Maggie's Insanely Twisted Wicked Parody
by the-Mad-Majesty-of-Muchness
Summary: Deep within the confines of my mind, there live about a million different people and characters. What happens when we put everybody together in one room? Read on to find out. Rating raised due to slight language and suggestive content.
1. No One Mourns the Twisted and Insane

**An: Heeey, everybody. You guys can all call me Maggie (it's short for Margaret, my middle name). I'm new to this site, though not to reading everybody's wonderful fics, and this is my very first, so please be gentle with reviews. I hope you all funny ideas for this parody, loosely based on "Just Another one of those Wicked Parodies" by areyoufeelingwicked, which is hilarious, and I highly suggest reading it. Also, if you don't know who Joe Mantello, Gregory Maguire, and/or Avaric are, then shame on you! *wags finger* Those who review will receive a visit tonight from their favorite paring, bookverse OR musicalverse, and have a chance to see them "in action.**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie**

**Disclaimer: Trust me, people, if I owned Wicked, all of the actors from the original Broadway cast would live with me and I wouldn't spend all my time talking to miniature figments of my imagination that sit on either shoulder and my head/the bridge of my glasses and just happen to look and sound like the girls and Fiyero. But I currently have Glinda sitting on one shoulder, her heels digging into my flesh (I'm gonna flick her off-no, I love her too much-I'm gonna-no, I love her too much), Elphaba sitting on the other reading a book, and Fiyero laying on top of my head muttering in his sleep about "his green girl Fae."**

Chapter One: No One Mourns Airplanes with Ripped Bloomers and Broken Wheelchair

Ozian: Psst! *whispering* She's dead.

Random Dancers: *singing* GOOD NEWS! SHE'S DEAD! THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!

Ozian: What? No, no, I mean my sister-in-law. SHE'S EVIL!

Dancer 1: Oh...Alright, guys, back in the cauldron.

Other Dancers: Awwww!

Joe Mantello (over loudspeaker): Can we PLEASE focus on getting this right, for ONCE?

Bookverse Frex: THE UNNAMED GOD! HE SPEAKS! *falls down in worship*

Joe: Wrong universe, Book Frex. SCRAM!

Book Frex: HIS NAMELESSNESS SPEAKS TO ME!

Gregory Maguire: I got this, everybody! *drags Book Frex away*

Glinda (in bubble): HIIII, EVERYBODY!

Elphie: GLINDA, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR YOUR CUE, DAMMIT!

Fiyero: Look who's talking. You aren't even s'possed to show up until those random background people start singing the Shiz song, Fae!

Joe: No, I sent Elphaba down there to rein things in and get them back on track and under control, so she's cool.

Fiyero: YOU HITTIN' ON MY GIRL, MANTELLO?

Joe: *headdesk*

Me: SHUT UP, OR I WILL AUTHOR BAD THINGS TO YOU ALL! _**FEAR MAH POWAH!**_

Nessa: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, you're SOOO powerful!

Me: *scribbles in binder full of note-book paper. her wheels break* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Random Ozian Dude (ROD for short): Hey, Glinda! Is it true that you and the Witch were friends? Cuz yesterday, I met these gossipy chicks, and they said you were!

Elphie: Oh, HECK yeah! We're BEST friends! Aren't we, Glin?

Glinda: Totally! *idea* FLASHBACK TIME!

Me: YAAAAAAY! FLASHBACK! I LOVE flashbacks!

*FLASHBACK LIGHT*

Shiz Students (S.S): (singing) ROOOOOXANNE! ROOOOOXA-

Joe: WRONG MUSICAL, GUYS! THIS IS _"WICKED,"_ NOT "MOULIN ROUGE!"

Satine: Oh, really? Then I guess we're in the wrong place. Come on, Christan!

*they leave*

Galinda: MY TURN! (singing w/ thick country accent) I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAIN'T SAY NO! I'M IN A TURRIBLE-

Elphie: As fitting as that song may be for you, this isn't "Oklahoma!" and you're not Ado Annie.

Me: Yeah, cuz if it was "Oklahoma!" then Hugh Jackman would be here showing off his muscles and wearing no shirt! *drools*

Yero: Nice country accent, though.

Elphie: Yeah, it was great.

Me: Oh, totally.

Joe: GUYS! FOCUS!

All four of us: SORRY!

Me: I am very easily distracted, Joe, I already gave you a heads-up forewarning about that!

Boq: (running around with arms spread out making plane noises) I AM AN AIRPLANE!

Me & Joe & Gregory: *multiple simultanious headdesks*

Nessa: SWEET OZ, EVERYBODY TAKE COVER! IT'S THE GIANT CARP!

Me & Elphie: Is that carp or Carp?

Morrible the Carp: Hello, everybody!

Me & Elphie: Oh, THAT one!

*everybody faints except me*

Me: Hmm...*lightbulb* *I chuckle darkly to myself and scribble furiously in my notebook-paper filled binder of stories*

*There is a loud tearing/ripping sound. Blushing, Morrible realizes her bloomers have ripped in half and leaves sheepishly*

Me: SHE'S GONE, THE COAST IS CLEAR!

Joe: How do we prevent her from coming back? QUICK, WE NEED IDEAS, PEOPLE!

Avaric: Hm...*snaps* We hit her over the head with the world's thickest book a.k.a the Grimmerie, then throw her into a river and let her float away so we never have to look at her butt-ugly face again!

*cricket chirp*

Avaric: WHAT?

Gregory: Avaric, why are you even here in the first place? You're not even in the play!

Me: Well, yeah, he is, remember?

Gregory: True, but it's EXTREMELY brief, and you can hardly even hear his name the one time it's mentioned. AVARIC, GET YOUR SORRY, DRUNKEN BUTT BACK TO THE BOOKVERSE! NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE!

Nessa: YEAH!

Elphie: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO GET WASTED AT YOUR PRECIOUS PHILOSOPHY CLUB THAT NOBODY HAS EVER EVEN HEARD OF!

Everybody: YEAH!

*he sulks away sadly*

Elphie: So how ARE we gonna prevent Queen Carp's return?

Fiyero: Maggie's got an idea...*glances at me*

*Everybody looks at me*

Galinda: NOOOO! MAGGIE, PLEASE, NOT THE BINDER!

Me: YES, THE BINDER!

Fiyero: NOOOOOO, ANYTHING BUT THAT! WE BEG OF YOU!

Me: TOO BAD, SLAVE! MWAHAHAHAHA!

*writes the chapter over and we fade to black*

**If you do not understand why I refer to Morrible as a giant carp, SHAME ON YOU! *wags finger* Remember: First story, so gentle on the reviews. Also remember: Review=visit from fave pairing book OR musical, seen "in action" *wink wink*  
**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie**


	2. HOLY SHIZNIT, ADAM LAMBERT IS MY HOSTAGE

**AN: GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS! MAGGIE HERE, LEADER OF THE PLANET...uh...Whatever, forget the planet, point is I'm back. Back from WHERE, you ask? Good question. I'm not entirely sure, but if you figure it out, lemme know! Anyway, I would first like to say that if you don't know who Eugene Lee is, then shame on you *wags finger* and second, if you don't know who _ADAM LAMBERT_ is, then EXTREME shame on you, and I happen to be a huge fan of his, so if you do not like him, please refrain from flaming him in your reviews. Thank you. Also, the part where Galinda sings, "Hands touch, sparks flash," and Elphaba responds with, "keep it up girl, I'll kick your..." and then we yell "rating!" at her and she finishes with "...butt." did not come from my mind. I got the idea from "Wicked Retold or Not" by PocketSevens, which I highly suggest. Please R&R, those who leave reviews get to have a make-out session with Fiyero (Elphaba, if you're a boy), pre-approved by Elphie, of course (if you're a dude getting one with her, it's pre-approved by Yero). Thanks to those who reviewed last chapter! You guys know who you are, and this chapter is dedicated you! Hope you like it!  
**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie**

**Disclaimer: **

**Elphie: Maggie has something she wants to tell everybody, don't you, Maggie?**

**Me: *grumbles inaudibly***

**Fiyero: Sorry, Mags, what was that? Couldn't quite hear you.**

**Me: I don't... *mumble mumble mumble* Wicked...**

**Glinda: One more time, sweetie.**

**Me: I DON'T OWN WICKED, IT ALL BELONGS TO GREGORY MAGUIRE! THERE, HAPPY?**

**Others: Yes.  
**

Chapter Two: Dear Old-HOLY SHIZNIT, IT'S ADAM LAMBERT!

*it is dark because I'm being lazy and don't want to turn on the lights*

Joe: HIT THE LIGHTS!

*lights go up*

Joe: Much better. Now, where were we? Oh yeah. EUGENE! SCENE CHANGE!

Eugene Lee: On it! *changes set and gives thumbs up*

Galinda: *stands there smiling like an idiot*

Elphie: Ahem.

Galinda: *oblivous*

Elphie: I SAID, "a-_HEM!_"

Galinda: Oh, right. *clears throat* (singing) LA LA LAA LAAA! WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU-

Me: Nope.

Galinda: *thinks* (singing) THANK GOOD-

Fiyero: Try again.

*pause*

Galinda: ...*is distracted by the fact that a few of his shirt buttons are undone and we can see part of his chest* (singing to the tune of "I'm Not That Girl") Hands touch, sparks flash-

Elphie (singing to same tune): Keep it up, girl, I'll kick your-

Everyone else: RATING!

Elphie (still singing to tune): ...butt.

Me: *clears throat* Gali,* remind us again what you call your parents?

Galinda: Oh, that's easy! I call them Momsie and Popsical!

Me: Know any SONGS about your-coughcoughhintcoughchough-_DEAREST, DARLINGEST_ Momsie and Popsical?

Galinda: ...

Stephen Schwartz: *headdesk*

Elphie: OH, JUST FORGET IT, _I'LL_ START THE DUMB SONG!

Eugene: *hands her piece of paper (the letter prop)*

Elphie: My dear father...

Galinda: OH, _THAT _song!

Everyone else: NO SHIZNIT!

Elphie & Galinda: (singing) There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz...

Elphie: But of course I'll care for Nessa...

Galinda: But of course I'll rise above it!

Both: For I know that's how you'd want me to respond, yes...There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is...

Galinda: ...unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite not possible to-

Stephen: IMPOSSIBLE, Galinda, it's IMPOSSIBLE to describe, not "NOT possible," IMpossible! GET IT RIGHT FOR ONCE!

Me: I know who can help set them straight. He's been in this play before as a matter of fact. The only problem would be if Galinda got distracted by his hotness, but if that happens, we can always just smack her, of course.

Galinda: HEY!

Joe: As long as there's a chance he can help get things back on track, we're willing to take that risk. Author him in, Maggie.

Me: Gimme just a sec...*writes in Trusty Binder of Wicked Stories*

*after a moment, there are footsteps coming down the hall. We turn and the stage door opens. Adam Lambert (squeeee!) walks in*

Adam Lambert: Where am I? How'd I get here? And who are all you people?

Me: *high-pitch, very G(a)linda-esque squeal* ADAM! *kidnaps him*

Joe: You authored in _Adam Lambert?_

Me: Hey, I can't help it if he's one of my Top Ten Obsessions! Besides, he's been in the play before, so he knows the script and might be able to help keep things under control.

Joe: ...Point taken.

Adam: Joe? Joe Mantello? Is that you? I haven't seen you since I was in San Francisco!

Joe: I know. Nice to see you, too.

Fiyero: So who exactly did this guy play?

Me: Before he got famous, when Wicked was in San Francisco, Adam Lambert played, well-

Stephen: You.

Me: *nods*

Adam: *stares at Fiyero*

Fiyero: *stares back at Adam*

Both: SWEET! I'M HANGIN' WITH HIM! *point to each other*

Me: This is not working the way I planned...Oh well! At least now I have my Adam hostage!

Adam: Actually, now that I get to hang out with Fiyero, I'm CHOOSING to stick around. By the way, what's your name?

Me: Just call me Maggie. It's a short version of my middle name.

Fiyero: Yeah, and her middle name is Margaret. But ALL of us call her Maggie. Sometimes we call her Mags. And she has nicknames for all-or at least MOST-of us, too.

Elphie: *gently smacks him upside the head*

Fiyero: What was that for?

Elphie: You were starting to digress.

Fiyero: Oh, well in that case, thanks.

Elphie: No problem.

Fiyero: Wanna make out?

Elphie: _**HECK,**_ yeah!

*they start making out. Fiyeraba fans around the world (including me) go dreamy-eyed and sigh. My eyes become glued to the Fiyerabaness, completely helpless and totally unable to stop watching*

Boq: *sneaking up on me* *tries to discreetly pull Binder out of my grasp*

Me: *pulls it away from him and smacks his hand* MY BINDER! NO TOUCHY! *starts writing*

Adam: What is she doing?

Nessa: When Maggie writes in there, _things_ happen, Adam. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're neutral, but no matter what, they are ALWAYS twisted and insane in some way, shape, and/or form of one kind or another.

Boq: Her mind can be a very dangerous place. Once you enter, there is no going back, and if you ever do get out, nine times out of ten, her insanity will have corrupted you. Proceed with caution, my friend.

Me: SHUT UP!

Boq: MAKE ME!

Me: OKAY! *keeps writing* OBEY ME, SLAVES! _**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!**_

Boq: Didn't she say something similar at the end of the last chapter? AND do the evil laugh?

Nessa: Yes, I believe she did.

Me: _**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

*fade to black*

**AN: I hope you enjoyed it! I'll probably have the next chapter up by the end of the day. It's Saturday and I have nothing to do today but lounge around and read/write fiction, so...yeah. By the way: *Gali is a nickname that I came up with for Galinda a few days ago while writing a Shiz-era fic in one of my Binders with my trusty fountain pen (any ideas on a good nickname for the Binders and pen? I got nothing). And for those of you who don't know, the thing about Adam Lambert playing Fiyero in San Francisco is true. It was before he auditioned for American Idol. You can find videos of his performance on YouTube. Look for him singing "Dancing Through Life" and "As Long As You're Mine."**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie  
**


	3. Hats and Spiders and Mayhem, Oh My!

**AN: Maggie here! Ready for another one of my rants? Okay, here goes *takes deep breath and lets it out* First off, only ONE review, really? I got, like, FIVE for the first chapter! You guys really need to get with the game on this thing (I'm half-joking, you guys, so don't take it personally)! xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx, thank you very, VERY much for your review, it meant a lot to hear from you since (coughcoughhintcoughcough) NOBODY ELSE WROTE ANYTHING! Whew! Sorry about that. I'm good now! Alright, now that's outta my system, let's move on, shall we? Next thing on the agenda: You will see Galinda mention someone named Susan. For those of you who don't know who this is: Susan Hilferty is the woman who designed all of the costumes for Wicked, and I just thought it'd be fun to mention her (even if it is brief!), and also, Winnie Holzman appears briefly. If you don't know who SHE is, she wrote the "book" for the play (meaning she wrote the script for the parts that don't involve singing as well as the dialogue that takes place during Popular, Dancing Through Life, Defying Gravity, and the other songs with conversations in the middle of them). Let's see, anything else? Nope, I think that about covers it! So, here's the third chapter, please enjoy! AND THIS TIME, I WANT REVIEWS!**

**Disclaimer: Do I LOOK like Gregory Maguire to you?  
**

Chapter 3: Hats and Spiders and Mayhem, Oh My!

*lights go up*

*in Doctor Dillamond's classroom*

*everybody needed for the scene except Galinda is there*

Elphie: *looks around & is confusified* Where's Gali?

Me: *sigh* Adam, would you like to do the honors?

Adam: Sure, why not? *picks up loudspeaker mic* (over loudspeaker, talking into mic) Galinda! Where'd you go, you crazy but loveable explosion of pink, girly, fluffy, sparkly, glitteriness? YO! GALINDA! GET YOUR SPARKLY PINK BUTT OUT HER, GIRL, WE NEED YOU! *pauses and looks around* *turns to me and shrugs* Sorry, Maggie, I did the best I could.

Me: *sigh* Yeah, I know you did. *picks up loudspeaker mic and holds it in the air* ANYBODY ELSE WANNA GIVE IT A SHOT?

Fiyero: Ooooh! Gimme that! *grabs mic* I've always wanted to do this!

Me: *stares*

Fiyero: WHAT?

Me: Dude, you've been here for all of...*does mental math* ...I dunno, a few weeks, maybe! You didn't even know what a loudspeaker IS until then! You'd never even heard that TERM before!

Fiyero: ...It looks cool...

Me: *rolls eyes*

Fiyero (singing (badly) into mic): IIIIIIIII LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE-

Stephen: DUUUUUUUUUDE! I ACTUALLY LET _THAT_ GOD AWFUL VOICE INTO THIS PLAY?

Me, Elphie, & Yero: HEY! I RESENT THAT! *look at each other and burst into laughter*

Galinda: *walks onstage* What's everybody laughing at? I miss anything? *smacks forehead* Pfft! DUH, I missed something! Whatever you guys are laughing at, obviously!

*we snap back to our senses*

Joe: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Galinda: *slightly taken aback* W-well, see, I was backstage getting ready, and while I was putting on my shoes, Susan went to get my hat and purse, but she couldn't find my hat, so I've been helping her look for it. But, as you can see *trademark dramatic pause* WE FOUND IT!

Joe: Good. NOW GET YOUR SCRAWNY BLONDE BUTT INTO POSITION!

Galinda: *huffs and goes to stand between Pfanee and ShenShen*

Doctor Dillamond: Hello, class! I am-

Elphie: *shrieks* SPIDER!

*Fiyero runs onstage*

Fiyero: DIE, DEMON BUG! _**HOLY FREAKING SHIZNIT, IT'S A BLACK WIDOW! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!**_

*everybody starts running around and screaming at the top of their lungs in panicked mayhem*

Black widow: ...?

Elphie: _**EVERYBODY, FREEZE!**_

*we freeze*

Elphie: *walks over to spider and crouches down to look at it*

Black widow: *looks up at Elphie* ...?

Elphie: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

Fiyero (in stage whisper): Psssssssssst! Fae! Don't! Move! A muscle! It won't be able to see you! Be really, _really, __**really, **__**really, REALLY**_ still, love!

Black widow: I can still hear you! I'm right here you know! And besides, that's dinosaurs, you half-wit!

Me: Oh, so it's a _Spider,_ not a spider!

Spider: Yep.

Elphie: *picks up Spider* Sorry about all that. I've got this huge fear of spiders, and I thought you were one since you weren't speaking.

Spider: That's okay, I'm used to it. Happens all the time. People seem especially scared of black widows.

Me: That's because they're the most deadly species known to man. A single bite can kill a person if enough of the venom enters their system. It can be fatal. *shakes head*

Galinda: I didn't know Elphaba was afraid of spiders!

Nessa: Yeah. Ever since we were little girls. See, there was this one time-

Elphie: DON'T TELL THE STORY!

Nessa: I'M TELLIN' THE STORY!

Elphie: DO IT, AND I SWEAR ON MOTHER'S GRAVE THAT YOU _WILL_ REGRET IT, NESSAROSE!

Nessa: *horrified gasp* Elphaba! How could you? How _dare_ you say such a blasphemous thing about our mother! Need I remind you whose fault it is that she-

Me & Galinda: IT WAS THE MILKFLOWERS' FAAAAAAUUUUUUUULT!

Fiyero: WHAT THEY SAID!

Winnie Holzman: THAT DOESN'T COME UNTIL LATER ON!

all 3 of us: DEAL WITH IT!

Me: *puts hand to forehead* Ugh. I've got a migrane...I'm gonna go ahead and end the chapter. I'll be back later, though. Bye, everybody!

Everybody else: Bye, Maggie!

Elphie: Hope you feel better.

Me: Thanks. *starts writing* *pauses* Let's see...now where did I put that darn hole puncher and masking tape?...*writes to black*

**AN: Alright, so, I did think of one more thing. The binder that I write this (and the rest of my) crap in needs a nickname, as does the fountain pen that I use to do all my writing these days. I've already gotten suggestions from xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx, but I wanna hear from more of you guys. What I'm gonna do is take the best ones and put them in a poll, which will be posted on my profile as soon as I make it, then I'm gonna let you guys vote on whichever ones you like best. AND, as a bonus, if your suggestions are picked, the gang and I will reward you with a Wicked fic with the pairing(s) of your choice, and following one of these general plotlines:**

**1: Elphaba and Fiyero's lives outside of Oz after they've escaped (I already have one pre-written in the binder along with 2 sequels)  
**

**2: A Shiz-era fic**

**3: An AU Shiz-era fic (one is already in the works of my binder)  
**

**4: An AU fic of life AFTER Shiz, starting at any point of the story you choose**

**So, remember: Send in your suggestions, because I might just decide to add them to the poll, and if yours is good enough, it may even be picked! And EVERYBODY loves having entire stories written JUST for them, right? Right! So, in conclusion: Review, my pretties! REVIEW! OR ELPHABA AND I SHALL RELEASE OUR FLYING MONKEYS TO WREAK HAVOC UPON YOU AND ALL YOUR LOVED ONES, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *me & Elphie cackle in unison***

**xoxo-**

**Maggie  
**


	4. Quick Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, so this isn't really a chapter, obviously, it's just an author's note, again, obviously. I just wanted to let everybody know that I changed my pen name from bornwicked17 to Defying-Gravity-4ever, but it IS still the same old crazy, totally mad, absolutely bonkers, COMPLETELY out-of-her-mind Maggie. I just happened to think of a better name than the one I registered with a few days (or was it weeks?) ago last night when I was in bed and just thought I'd better change it while I had it on my mind. Just wanted to let you guys know so you didn't think I was some account-hacking psycho or something (thought I do admit to the psycho part)! Oh! While I'm at it, just a quick reminder: Submit your nickname ideas for the fountain pen and binder of stories so that I can get that poll up, and remember, my pretties: the person who submits the winning nicknames gets a story dedicated JUST to them with the pairing(s) of their choice that follows the general storyline of:**

**1: Elphaba and Fiyero's life post-musical after escaping Oz (already in the works of the binder along with 2 sequels)  
**

**P: A totally AU storyline starting at any point in time you choose, so long as it's after Shiz**

**56: Shiz-era fic  
**

**Q: AU Shiz-era fic (already in the works of the binder)**

**So, my pretties, if you have ideas, remember to submit!**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie  
**


	5. Ch4: Sticks, Carts, and Popularity

**AN: Okay, guys, I am very, VERY disappointed in the amount of reviews I've been getting and unless I start hearing from you guys, I am going to cut this story and move on to another one, okay? I have still yet to receive any nickname ideas for the binder and pen other than the ones suggested by xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx, and until you guys send them in, I can't get that poll onto my profile, and if I can't get the poll up, you can't vote, and if you can't vote, nobody wins, and if nobody wins, nobody gets a free story dedication. I am not fooling around, you guys, I am dead serious. So unless I start getting more reviews, you might as well kiss this parody good-bye before it ever even gets a chance to really spread its wings and fly. I have a lot more hilarity written in the binder, and I'm really eager to share it with everybody, but unless things start to change, I'm afraid you will never get to see me kidnap Jasper Hale and Jackson Rathbone then watch them come face-to-face. You will never witness Fiyero being attacked by the Beavecoon, nor will you get to watch Captain Jack Sparrow kill a ghost that technically should not be able to die since it is already dead just so that he can get a peanut and then be taken hostage. So review, my pretties. Please, review, because I would hate to have to cut this story's head off while it's still so young.**

**-Maggie**

**Disclaimer: Would I be writing this if I owned anything? Would I live in my least favorite state and still go to school? Didn't think so.  
**

Chapter 4: Which Consists of Sticks, Carts, a Discourse on Human Stupidity, and Popularity

*lights go up*

*in the courtyard*

*Elphaba is walking across the stage with her nose in a book, as usual, when all of a sudden, BAM! A boy pulling a cart thingy that has another boy in it who is asleep runs her over. She lays on the ground, looking rather dead*

Galinda: *high-pitched scream* ELPHABA IS DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! MAGGIE IS AN ELPHIE MURDERER!

Me: WHAT? ME? I LOVE HER TO _DEATH,_ YOU HALF-WIT, WHY WOULD I EVER DO ANYTHING TO HER? _HE'S_ THE ONE THAT GOT CARELESS AND RAN HER OVER!

*She wakes up*

Elphie: ...Woah...That was weird. *stands up and looks around. she smacks the boy in the cart with her book*

Cart Boy (a.k.a Fiyero): HUZZAH WHA? Oh...Right...THIS scene...*massive sigh as he heaves himself out of the cart and rolls his eyes* Alright, let's just get this dumb thing over with already.

***Due to the fact that this is one of my favorite scenes in the play, I refuse to parody it, and therefore, we're just gonna skip ahead to the Ozdust***

*at the Ozdust Ballroom*

*Elphie is dancing*

Fiyero (standing at the side of the stage watching with Gali): She just doesn't give a stick about what other people think of her, does she?

**(Man, I love that line! "Give a stick!" I started saying that after I saw the play!)**

Galinda: Of course she does...She just pretends not to so everybody will think that she's strong...*hand him her training wand and starts dancing with Elphie*

S.S: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FREINDSHIP! *applause*

Adam: Are they REALLY that stupid?

Me: Read GelNimbus's "A Discourse on Human Stupidity," it should explain things. *hands him a copy of it that magically appeared out of thing air*

Adam: *reads "Discourse" and nods* Ah. Gotcha.

Joe: HEY! WHERE'S EUGENE?

Eugene: I'M RIGHT HERE, NO NEED TO YELL! SHEESH! YOU'RE, LIKE, A HUNDRED BAZILLION TIMES LOUDER WHEN YOU'RE ON THAT STUPID LOUDSPEAKER!

Joe: Duh! That's why it's called a LOUDspeaker, you bonehead!

Eugene: *changes set while grumbling to self*

*YAY! POPULAR SET!*

Galinda: Let's tell secrets!

Elphie: ...Oh, sweet Lurline, have mercy on my soul!

Galinda: Okay, I'll go first! Fiyero and I are going to get MARRIED!

Elphie: *is shocked* He asked you already?

Galinda: No, but he's going to, he just doesn't know it yet-uh! **(the first time I saw Wicked, the actress playing Glinda/Galinda actually said it this way! Hands on her hips, huge grin on her face, next to Elphie's bed: "No, but he's going to, he just doesn't know it yet-uh!" It was the funniest thing!)** Now you tell me one!

Elphie: Alright, uh...**(can't remember what she said here, so I'm making something up, but if you remember, please tell me so I can edit!)** I can see just fine without my glasses and don't actually need them.

Galinda: That's it?

Elphie: What else could I possibly tell you?

Galinda: SOMETHING! Liiiiiiiiike...*snatches bottle* How come you keep this funny little green bottle under your pillow, huh? *waves bottle around in air, perched on the edge of Elphie's bed)

Elphie: Give me that! *grabs bottle and holds it near chest* It was my mother's, okay?

Galinda: *whiny* Oh, come OOOOOOOOOON-uh! I told you a really, REALLY good one!

Elphie: *sighs*

*there is a pause*

Elphie: My father hates me.

Galinda: *horrified gasp*

Elphie: That's not the secret. The secret...is that he has a good reason.

Galinda: What do you mean?

Elphie: It's my fault that Nessa...is the way she is. See, when my mother was pregnant with her, my father started to worry that the baby might come out...you know...green. So, he made her chew milkflowers. It made the baby come early and when Nessa came out, her little legs were all tangled up. And none of it ever would've happened if it weren't for me.

Galinda: Oh, well that was the milkflowers' fault, not yours.** (this part cracked me up both times I saw the play and the second time, I actually said it with her) **

**Tender friendship moment that is sweet and should not under any circumstances be parodied, so I am skipping ahead**

Galinda: Oh, look, it's TOMORROW!** (cracked me up, said it w/ her the 2nd time)** And Elphie-Oh! Do you mind if I call you Elphie?

Elphie: Well, it's a little perky...

Galinda: And you can call me...*puts one hand on hip and other in the air and does slight dramatic pause* GA-LINDA!** (1st time I saw it, actress actually did this)** Anyway, Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project.

Elphie: ...*stares at her in slight panic* ...You _really_ don't have to do that...**(actress sounded slightly horrified 1st time I saw it)**

Galinda: I know. That's what makes me so nice.

Me: *muttering to Adam under breath* Figures this would be the one scene she does perfectly the first time around.

Adam: *nods in agreement*

Galinda: *ignoring us and singing* When ever I see someone less fortunate than I-and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate that I?-my tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over, I know I know..._exactly_ what they need...And even in your case-Though it's the TOUGHEST case I've yet to face...Don't worry, I'm determined to suceed...Follow my lead, and yes, indeed. You...will...be...Popular! You're gonna be Popu-u-ler, I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys-

Elphie: Girl, how you think I picked up Fiyero?

Fiyero: Yeah!

Galinda: *ignoring them, determined to finish her solo without jacking it up* little ways to flirt and flounce! Ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair *starts undoing her braid and takes off her glasses* everything that really counts to be Popular! I'll help you be Popu-u-ler! You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know, so let's start! Cuz you've got an awfully long way to go...Don't be afraid of my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialisis! Now that I've chosen to become a paaaal, a sister, and advisor, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to Popular! I know about Popu-u-ler, and with an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were-uh, are-there's nothing that can stop you from becoming Popu-ler!...Lar! Laaa, laaaa, laaaa, la! We're gonna make you Pop-u-ler! When I see depressing creatures with unprepossesing features-

Elphie: *slightly offended* Are you saying I'm ugly?

Galinda: *ignoring, still determined to do her solo without jacking it up* I remind them on their own behalf! To. Think. Of. Celebrated heads of state or 'specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge, don't make me laugh! *pauses, turns, points Elphie* (spoken) Don't. **(actress really did this 2nd time I saw it)** *pauses again, looking at her sternly* (singing again) They were Popular-Please! It's all about Popu-u-ler! It's not about apptitude, it's the way you're veiwed, so it's very shrewd to be! Very, very, Popu-u-ler, like me.

**Not going to parody this bit of dialogue, it's one of my fave parts, so deal with it, _dashnas_!**

Galinda: ...You're welcome...And though you protest your disinterest...I know clandesteinedly...

Adam: Is that even a word?

Me: Yeah, it means "from past experience."

Galinda: *ignoring, still determined* You're gonna grin and bear it, your new found Popu-larity! Ah! *sees reflection in hand mirror and holds it up to admire self* (spoken) Helloooo! (singing) Laaa laaaa laaaa la! You'll be Popular! Just not quite as Popular aaaaaas meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

**AN: I know there's not much parody in this chapter and it mostly just follows the exact script of the play, but like I said, I'm extremely disappointed in the lack of reviews. I get a lot of feedback from xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx and areyoufeelingwicked, but other than that, I don't hear from very many people. So, consider the lack of humor in this chapter your punishment. It will begin to pick up again AFTER I start getting more reviews, understood? I hate to do this to you, my pretties, I really do, believe me, but I don't know what else to do that will make you review.**

**-Maggie**


	6. Ch5: OH NO, FIYERO IS THINKING!

**AN: I threaten to DISCONTINUE and I STILL only get TWO MEASLY REVIEWS? *crosses arms and shakes head* Wow. What has this world come to? **

Chapter 5: FIYERO IS THINKING! *DUN DUN DUUUUUN!*

*lights go up*

*in Dillamond's classroom the next day*

Elphie: *practicing hair toss* Toss, toss!...Toss, toss!...Toss, to- *almost hits Fiyero* HEY, PAL, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE-Oh, hi, Fiyero!

Fiyero: Hi, Fae!

Joe: A-HEM, can we stick to the script, please?

Fiyero: Oh, right, sorry. *clears throat* *snicker*

Elphie: What is so funny?

Fiyero: Nothing, it's just, well...you've been...Galindafied. **(man, i love that line!)**

Elphie: *rips flower clip out of hair* *puts one hand to head and makes face of pain* ...O-ow!

Fiyero: Are you okay?

Elphie: I think I just...*checks clip* Yeah, that ripped some hair out.

Dillamond: Today is my last day.

Elphie: *flips out* NOOOOO! I WON'T LET GROMMETIK MURDER YOU!

Gregory: Elphaba, sweetheart, that's the novel, honey.

Elphie: Oh, yeah. My bad. *continues throwing temper tantrum*

Random Ozian Official (ROO): Okay, everybody! Observe! THIS is a cage!

S.S (gathering around cage): Ooooooh!

ROO: And THIS is a Lion Cub that is INSIDE the cage!

Elphie: *freezes mid-tantrum* Wait, what did he just say?

S.S: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

ROO: AND, students! Did you know that soon, ALL the Animals in Oz will be in cages! And once THAT has been accomplished, they will never again speak!

Elphie: Saywhatnow?

S.S: Double ooooooh!

ROO: And now, class, observe. *holds up patented industrial strength mallet* As I hit it with this patented insustrial strength mallet.

Elphie: SAYWHA?

S.S: Double aaaaaah!

Elphie: NOOOOO! I WILL SAVE YOU, LITTLE CUB!

Cub: Rawr.

Elphie: *does funky voo-doo magic thingy*

S.S & ROO: *flailing uncontrollobly* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Cub: Who's cowardly now, suckahs?

Elphie: QUICK FIYERO, GRAB THE CAGE!

Fiyero: AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! *grabs cage and follows Elphie*

Cub: OH, YEAH, I AM SO GETTIN' OUTTA THIS TRASH HOLE! CATCH YA'LL ON THE FLIPSIDE, DINGLESQUATS! *gives ROO and S.S the finger*

*Adam and I exchange glances*

Me: Since when do Cubs his age know about "the finger?"

Adam: Maggie, there are four-year-olds that CUSS these days. As in "the F-Bomb."

Me: Point taken.

*outside, Lion Cub Scene set*

Elphie: CUT IT OUT, YOU'RE SHAKING THE CAGE, STUPID!

Cub: I really do not enjoy this. I feel like I'm about to hurl.

Me: I am NOT cleaning it up if he does.

Adam: Ditto.

Fiyero: HOLY SHIZNIT, I AM BLEEDING!

Adam: This is one of my favorite parts!

Me: I know, me too!

*we lean forward in our seats, grinning like idiots*

Edward Cullen: *rolls eyes*

Me: *kidnaps him, (vamp)Bella, and Alice*

Elphie & Yero: HOLY SHIZNIT, OUR HANDS ARE TOUCHING!

Alice Cullen (who is my hostage): OHMIGAWD, I LURVS WICKED!

Me: IKNOWRIGHT!

*we hug*

Fiyero: *lets Cub go*

Cub: *running off into woods* FREEDOM! FREE-E-EDOM!

Fiyero: Uh...I...gotta go...I guess...Bai!

Elphie: Kaybai!

*he runs off*

Elphie: ...So how much longer until we get to make out?

Fiyero: *offstage, w/ Adam* I know, right? That was LAME! What was the POINT if we don't even get to SMOOCH?

*Eugene changes set*

*at train station*

Galinda: ELPHIE, FIYERO IS MOODIFIED AND EVEN WORSE, HE'S *dramatic pause* _thinking!_

*DUN DUN DUUUUN!*

Elphie: *gasp of horror* _Thinking? _

*DUN DUN DUUUUN!*

Galinda: _THINKING!_

*DUN DUN DUUUUUN!*

Fiyero: Hey, ladies! *holds out boquet* I got you some flowers, Elphaba! So, listen, I've been thinking-

_*DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!*_

Fiyero: OH, WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT ALREADY, SCHWARTZ!

Stephen: *sticks out tounge*

Fiyero: *looks me* MAAAGIIIIIE!

Me: OH, QUIT WHINING!

Fiyero: But-

Me: Don't MAKE me end this chapter, Tiigelaar!

Fiyero: ...

Me: That's what I thought.

Galinda: I AM CHANGING MY NAME FROM NOW ON, THE "GA" IS _SILENT-UH! _MY NAME IS NOW GLINDA!

*at the EC*

Gate Guard (GG): Here, put these green glasses on before you go in.

*girls put them on*

Elphie: *twitching eyelid* Strange uncontrollable urge to-(singing) THERE ARE BUILDINGS TALL AS-*claps hands over mouth*

Glinda: What the...?

Me: LIGHTBULB!

Guard: The Wizard will see you now!

*in the throne room*

Big Metal Head (who me and my brother call Whompa-Whompa because that's what his eybrows do when he talks): I AM OZ! THE GREAT AND THE TERRIBLE! WHO ARE YOU?

Elphie: Uh...Elphaba?

Whompa-Whompa: YOU SOUND UNCERTAIN. DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR OWN NAME?

Elphie: *sigh* MY NAME IS ELPHABA, BUTT-MUNCH!

*Whompa-Whompa powers down*

*Quasimodo appears*

Glinda: OHMIGAWSH, IT'S THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME!

Me: OKAY, WHO LET MONKEY-BUTT-FACE IN?

*Quasimodo gets kicked out*

Me: *muttering under breath* Though the REAL Wizard is just as ugly if not more so...

Alice: *giggles and nods*

Wizard: HERE I AM!

*cricket chirp*

Wizard: *disappointed* Everybody's a critic.

Me: Yes, but you are your own WORST critic.

Wizard: True, true. *turns to Elphaba* You. *points* Here. *gives her the Grimmerie*

**Please note that the exchange between Glinda and Morrible about to take place was an actual occurance the first time I saw the play. Thank you.**

Glinda: *gasp* Is that...*turns to audience w/ hands on cheeks* _the Grimmerie?_

Morrible: Yeeees...

Glinda: *takes one step towards it with arm partially extended, voice half-gaspy, half-squealy* Can I touch it?

Morrible: No!

Glinda: *gasp of horror*

Elphie: Wow. Really?

Glinda: *shrugs sheepishly*

Elphie: Look, shiny object!

Glinda: *whirls around* WHERE?

*the Pink Panther Diamond randomly appears floating in thin air*

Glinda: Oooooh! Shiny!

Me: Really, Glinda, really?

Glinda: Sorry. It's a natural instinctive reflex that I have no control over.

Elphie: *chants*

Chistery: *grows wings*

Elphie: OHMAHGAWSH, YOU PEOPLE USED ME! *steals Grimmerie and runs*

Glinda: *groans* I'll go get her...*follows*

*in tower*

Glinda: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!

**AN: DUN DUN DUUUUN! CLIFFY! I usually don't do cliffies like this, but, HELLOOOO, PEOPLE! This is the DG (Defying Gravity) we're talking about here that is about to happen! That song deserves its OWN chapter! And yes, I know I totally skipped Sentimental Man, but I did that on purpose. When I get up to the part where Wonderful usually happens, I'm going to skip that, too, and I'll tell you why I am doing this: I hate the Wizard's guts. Probably more than the rest of you combined. I loathe him more than anyone or anything else in the universe. The man does not deserve to have even so much as one gazillionth of a song. The only true thing that comes out of his mouth throughout the entire play is the part in Wonderful where he calls himself a corn-fed hick. Everything else he says is a total lie and you all know it. I hate him, his guts, and and I flat out refuse to include his (albeit horrible) songs in any of my fics, parody or otherwise. If you don't like it, then too bad, _dashnas,_ deal with it! Oh, and if you're wondering what a _dashna_ is, it's going to be explained probably within the next few chapters or so.**

**xoxo-**

**Maggie**

**PS: areyoufeelingwicked and xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx: This chapter is dedicated to the two of you! Thank you both so much for sticking with me through all of this insanity and continuing to review when everybody else seems to have given up on doing so! You two keep me going and if it weren't for you guys, I probably would've given up by now! You are my most dedicated readers, and I love you both so much! I know we haven't known each other for long, but you guys are the closest friends I have on here so far, and you are both AMAZING! *gives each of you a virtual hug and chocolate chip cookie*  
**


	7. BinderPen Naming Poll Result AN

**AN: The next chapter refuses to be written, *bites its head off* so I'm sorry it's taking so long. Hopefully it'll be up by Dec. 14, which is my 14th b-day, HOORAY! Anyway, the binder/pen naming poll results are in. **

***stands in front of mic with a spotlight trained on me* And now, the moment we've all been waiting for...*Elphaba hands me an envelope with the results inside* The name for the pen iiis...*opens envelope and takes out thingy then reads it* "Describer in Magic Era," suggested by Rose Emeraldfay! *applause as Rose stands up in audience and spotlight hits her* Hi, Rose! *waves* And now for the binder's new name...*Elphaba comes back with a new envelope and takes the old one from me* And the binder's name will beee...*opens, removes, reads* Oh...uh...this...could be a bit problematic...Um...alright, let's see...Um, folks, we seem to have a tie. In first place for the binder's name is "Bindie," also sometimes spelled "Bindy," which is tied with "Tomb of Doom," or "ToD" for short, also suggested by Rose. Um...Okay, guys, here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to re-open the poll, but this time ToD and Bindie will be the only options, and it't up to all of YOU to determine the winner with this tie-breaker. Remember, people, just one vote can make all the difference, so VOTE!  
**


	8. Rabid Fangirls Attackthat have Rabies

**AN: Ohmigawdohmidawdohmigawd! I am SOOOOOOOOO sorry about the wait, you guys! I had an idea for it, but when I tried putting down on paper, it just seemed so freaking cheesy, and I didn't want you guys to suffer through a corny chapter, plus I hit a wall at one point and couldn't figure out where to go from there, so I had to start over completely, and then I had school and homework and I watch Glee and Raising Hope on Fox every week on Tuesday with my family and we've never missed a single episode, and I try to type while I watch, but I get distracted by the hilarity on both shows and the songs and music on Glee and stuff and then there was other crap, and I tried to work on it over Thanksgiving break, but then I got occupied with other stories, plus I have Bible Study at church every Wednesday night while my mom is at bell choir practice, and then Thanksgiving came, and I went to my grandma's house for that, and then next thing I knew the break was over and it was December, and now suddenly my fourteenth birthday is almost here and then my mom's birthday is on Christmas day and...and...*passes out from lack of breath***

**Disclaimer: Hello, everybody. This is Elphaba typing now. Since Maggie passed out, I took over doing this while Glinda, Fiyero, and a few of the vampires that Maggie keeps around attempt to revive her. *to someone in the background* Go get it yourself, I'm busy, dammit! I am not here to be anybody's personal slave, and I refuse to waste my energy on such trivial things like conjuring up a wet rag just because you're too lazy to get off your butt and get one yourself! *to readers* Sorry. Anyway, like I was saying, I'll go ahead and do the disclaimer _for_ our unconscious frinend, so here goes: Mags owns nothing at all. She wishes she does, and I guess it'd be _kind_ of cool if she did, but she doesn't. *shrugs* Sorry to disappoint.**

**Apology: This is Alice Cullen, the Queen of the Psychic Pixies. We apologize for any and all rambling author notes, disclaimers, and/or anything else along those lines. Thank you.  
**

* * *

Chapter 7: Sue's Bullhorn, Character/Actor face-to-face meetings, and Bleeding Tongues. Oh, and R.E.M visits us

_Act II_

*lights go up to reveal...well...the set for "Thank Goodness" XP*

Ozians: *are panicking*

ROD: OHMIFREAKINGAWD! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

R.E.M (yes, the band): *singing* It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it! And I feel fiiiine!

Me: *steals loudspeaker mic from Joe and talks into it* Alright, who let them in?

Gregory: Dunno, but I'M lettin' 'em OUT! *kicks R.E.M out*

Glinda: FELLOW OZIANS!

*Ozians freeze*

Me: Why the yelling?

Glinda: To get their attention and make sure they heard me above the sound of their panic and mayhem.

Me: Ah. Smart girl.

Glinda: Thank you, Maggie! *turns back to Ozians* Anyway...*clears throat* Fellow Ozians. As terrifying as terror is, put aside your panic for this one day...and celebrate the fact that I'm pulling Fiyero into an engagement that he didn't even ask for!

Fiyero: Wait, WHAT?

Glinda: What are you, DEAF? I SAID, "_WE ARE ENGAGED!"_ '

Elphie: *marches onstage* Oh NO you don't! **censored* (you know the word! it means female dog) slap* Stay AWAY from my man, sistah!

Me: Elphie?

Elphie: What?

Me: It's part of the play, sweetie. Remember?

Elphie: Oh, yeah. Sorry...Y'know how I get...All..._possessive_ of him and stuff...I-I'll just, uh...yeah...*walks off stage embarrassed*

Joe: Continue, please.

Fiyero: I'm mad that I'm being forced into an engagement that I didn't even ask for!

ROD: Hey, did you hear?

ROC (Random Ozian CHICK): Hear what?

ROD: The rumor.

ROC: What rumor?

ROD: -.- That the Witch's soul is so filthy and disgusting that she melts like a popsicle does when it's hot if you dump a bucket of water on her.

ROK (Random Ozian KID): O.e Wow, Dad, way to throw in some major foreshadowing there.

ROD: Thanks, Junior!

ROC: Wow, she does? That's unbelievable!

ROD: That's why they call it a rumor, sweetheart.

ROC: Huh?

ROD: *shrugs* I dunno, it just came to me. **(AN: no, really, it's true)**

Fiyero: Well now I'm even MORE mad than I was BEFORE! Not ONLY am I being forced into an engagement that I didn't even ask for, but now, all these random people in weird looking clothes are saying horrible, horrible things about the woman that I'd RATHER marry! GRRR, HULK SMASH!

Glinda: *smacks him back to his senses*

Fiyero: Thanks, I needed that.

Glinda: Anytime.

Fiyero: *storms away angrily and walks right off the front of the stage in his P'd (you know, "P" as in like, the longer "double S" word for...well...pee?) off haste*

Fangirls in audience: *Glinda-esque squee* FIYERO *dogpile on top of him in attempt to kidnap him and take him home to keep as a "pet"*

**Meanwhile, somewhere backstage...**

Elphie: *looks up suddenly from book with lower eyelid twitching slightly* Something just happened. Something to do with...Wait a second...I think I'm having an epiphany...*camera zooms in on face dramatically as eyes narrow* ..._Mine..._ *cue dramatic background music*

**Back onstage...**

Fiyero: (from underneath pile of crazed fangirls) Can't...breathe...need..._air..._

Elphie: *Indian war call as she leaps onto the floor in front of the stage and starts to savagely pry the fangirls off of Fiyero one by one* GET OFF HIM, YOU MOTHER *insert censoring bleep here*ING *bleep*ES! I'D SOONER LET MYSELF BE SLOWLY TORTURED AND THEN BURNED AT THE STAKE THAN WATCH A BUNCH OF MAN-STEALING *bleep* KIDNAP HIM! I _SAID _GET _**OFF!**_

*giant magical explosion*

*I pull out souvenir Glinda wand with actual, real, genuine (no really, I'm **_not_** kidding, go onto the musical's website and look for it in the Ozdust Boutique section if you don't believe me, it's a pink wand that says "Popular" with a matching suede pouch, it's _impossible_ to miss!) Swarovski crystals that just happens to be in my bag o' gear right next to my feet while calmly reading my copy of _Son of a Witch _that was also in the bag*

Me: _Protego. _*shield comes out of wand's tip and protects all of us backstage from the explosion*

Everyone else: *giant sigh of relief from not dying a premature, albeit magical and rather explode-y, death*

Adam: *turning to me* Harry Potter fan?

Me: Oh, big time.

Alice: *running over to us quickly and sitting down next to me* You see the new movie yet?

Me: Yep.

Joe: Now that the fangirl problem is taken care of, can we keep going and at least TRY to finish this thing?

Emmett: *uses super vamp speed to run off, then comes back with a bullhorn and holds it out to me grinning proudly*

Me: *cautiously takes bullhorn, which looks strangely familiar to me somehow, though I can't quite place my finger on it* Emmett? Where'd you go just now, big guy?

Em: Lima, Ohio.

Me: You wouldn't have happened to go to a specific high school in Lima, would you?

Em: ...Maybe. Depends on which "specific high school" you're referring to. There were several "specific high schools" there.

Alice: *knows where I'm going with this* Eeeemmeeeet...Where did you get that bullhorn?...

*everybody turns to stare at him*

*silence*

*cricket chirp*

Jackson Rathbone: Awkward...

Me: *kidnaps*

Emmett: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU! JUST QUIT STARING AT ME LIKE THAT, IT'S CREEPING ME OUT IN WAYS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WERE POSSIBLE!

*everybody else turns back around and minds their own business*

Emmett: *sighs* Okay. You caught me. I went to William McKinley High, snuck into Sue Sylvester's office while she wasn't there, and stole her bullhorn.

Me: How? She NEVER goes ANYWHERE without that thing, it's like she guards it with her very LIFE, like she'll DIE if she doesn't always have it with her!

Alice: ...That's actually not _entirely_ true, Maggie. She doesn't take it with her when she's in Figgins' office.

Me: *eyes go wide with realization* *squeezes them tightly shut and whispers towards the sky* Oh, God, **_please_** keep New Directions safely in tact...And make Finchel get back together while You're at it, amen.

**Meanwhile, back in the Land of Getting Back on Track...ed...ness...O_e**

**Emmett: Are you sure it's not in the Blue Cow Kingdom of Blue Cowness? (AN: it's a long story, and i'm not going to explain right now, maybe some other time, sorry)  
**

**Me: *shoves him* RED ALERT, RED ALERT!**

Glinda: Great, now that Fiyero's gone, I have nobody to-OOOH, LOOK, A BUNCH OF RANDOM PEOPLE THAT I CAN GUSH TO ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GUSHING ABOUT!

CoROs (Crowd of Random Ozians): Who, us?

Glinda: *quickly scans the script* Okay, got it! *chunks it over shoulder*

ROD: OHMAHGAWD, I HAZ A PAPUH-CUT OM MAH TOMUE! MAH TOMUE IZ BEEDIN!

Susan Hilferty (play's costume designer): What'd he say?

Jay (Jackson Rathbone's nickname, in case you don't know): I think he said, "Oh my god, I have a paper-cut on my tongue! My tongue is bleeding!"

Rest of us who are backstage: *stare at him in stunned silence*

Jay: What?

Me: You mind being an interpreter for us until his tongue gets well enough that we can understand him?

Jay: *shrugs* Sure, why not?

Jasper: *still looking at him*

Jay: *turns head and sees him*

Jazz: Nice mop-top.

Jay: You too. **(AN: If you don't get why this is funny, then EXTREME shame on you! *shuns for not getting it*)**

Glinda: *babbles endlessly for undetermined amount of time all in one breath, never stopping to catch said breath*

Jazz: Any chance she'll stop soon?

Fiyero: *walking over to us from behind taking a sip from a Starbucks© coffee cup and shaking head* Prob'ly not.

Elphie: At the rate she's going, we'll most likely be stuck here all night. And I mean every word of that as literally as it can be taken.

Me: *takes sip of Starbucks© hot chocolate* Longer, I think. Remember how long she went for last time?

Fiyero: You mean when she broke her own record?

Me: *nods while taking another sip*

Elphie: Yeah, what about it?

Me: *licks excess hot chocolate off lips* Based on the size of the breath that she took before she started talking, I'd say she's trying to break _that_ record.

Boq: Oh, yeah, we're _definitely _gonna be trapped here for a while

Nessa: Should we spare the readers from the misery that we're going to be enduring for the next Oz-knows how many days?

Maggie: That's prob'ly a good idea.

Boq: *sighs* I'll go get the binder...

* * *

**AN: Uh, hey, everybody. Maggie is still out cold, so this is, um...Charlie. Yeah, that's it. Charlie the Unicorn. *gets smacked upside the head* Ouch, hey! Okay, okay, I'll do it! Jeezum, no need to hit people...'specially ones named ME...*sigh* Alright, so I'm NOT Charlie the Unicorn, though I DO wish I was that awesome. Oh, wait...I AM that awesome. *dodges another smack* HA! MISSED! Anyway, like I was saying. My name is ACTUALLY-OW! I DIDN'T EVEN SAY IT YET, DAMMIT!...Oh...*hissing voice* ...Mind reader...*regular voice again* *sighs* Alright, I'm gonna try this one more time...*takes deep breath* MYNAMEIS-OUCH! ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT, I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! NOW THERE WON'T BE AN AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR THE END OF THE CHAPTER! HAPPY!**


	9. BINDER NAME RESULTS ARE IN, PLEASE READ!

**AN: *steps up to mic on stage and spotlight hits me* OKAY, MAH PEEPS! The final results for the binder's name are FINALLY in! Took you guys long enough to make up your minds, no offense! Okay, here we go! Now, as most of you probably know, the last time I made an announcement about this thing, we came to a final decision about the name for my fountain pen, which is Describer in Magic Era, suggested to me by my good friend, Rose Emeraldfay. Rose, if you would please, stand up so all the people can see your pretty face! *Rose stands up and bows as a spotlight hits her and audience applauds* Thank you, Rose, you can sit back down now. *Rose sits* Anyway, as I was saying, we had a bit of a problem with the BINDER'S name. As you may or may not remember, and it's okay if you don't, two names tied for first place. One of them was Bindy, also spelled Bindie, which I came up with myself and which is short for the word Binder. The OTHER one, which, personally, I think is more creative and liked a HECK of a lot better, came from Rose, just like Describer's name did. Rosie-is it okay if I call you Rosie?-suggested that I name it-and I don't ENTIRELY understand this, but I really like it-"Tomb of Doom," or "ToD" for short. We needed a tie-breaker, so I had you all vote for which one you liked better, and today is the day that your choice is announced. *lights get even dimmer and Ryan Seacrest walks onstage* Everybody, I believe you all know who this is, and if you watch American Idol, you should recognize him and know why he's here! Ryan, if you would, please. *nods and spotlight moves from me to Ryan. Elphaba walks onstage and hands him an envelope, then leaves* **

**Ryan: America has voted. And the winner...of this poll is...*opens envelope as camera zooms in on his face and a drumroll plays in the background***

***drumroll stops. there is a pause, then the camera moves away from his face again***

**Ryan: Tomb of Doom!**

**Audience: *bursts into applause as I run out and grab Rosie by the wrist then pull her onstage***

**CONGRATULATIONS, ROSE EMERALDFAY, YOUR NAME HAS BEEN CHOSEN BY THE VOTERS! *hugs Rose* As promised, Rosie, you will now get a fan fiction dedicated ENTIRELY to YOU, and YOU ALONE, and YOU get to choose from one of THESE FOUR TOPICS:**

**1: A Shiz-era fiction**

**2: An AU Shiz-era fiction (already being written in my other binder, just hasn't been published yet)  
**

**3: A post-musical fiction (also already started but not published) OR,  
**

**4: An AU fiction starting at any point in the story line that YOU choose, just so long as it is AFTER "Wonderful" and BEFORE "No Good Deed" (also already started but not published, along with 2 sequels)**

**I realize that it may take some time to decide which one you want, so I will give you as much time as you need to make your choice, and as soon as you know which it is, let me know and I will get started on the publishing process ASAP! I look forward to writing this story for you, Rosie, and I sincerely hope that once it is up, you will enjoy it as much as you seem to be enjoying my other stories! You are a great friend to me, and one of my closest on this website and I love you (as a friend) so, SO much! **

**Can't WAIT to get started on your story, Rose!**

**Love and hugs for everybody,**

**Maggie & the Gang  
**


	10. CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!

**AN: Hello, all my wonderful, wonderful pretties out there, hello! Nay, I have yet to abandon you and I plan on never doing so!...Okay, maybe for just a few days on end, but I usually come back to my computer really quick!...Unless of course I'm grounded...Anyway! I would like to once again sat, "congrats" to my dear friend, Rose Emeraldfay, whose name, "Tomb of Doom," a.k.a "ToD," won the poll for the binder's name, so Rosie: CONGRATULAOTIONS FROM THE ENTIRE GANG! Also, in response to your question: "AU" stand for "Alternate Universe," as in like, it's the same characters and everything, but the general plot and (most of) the events that take place are different, for example, a story that results in Elphaba and Fiyero not "dying" and leaving Oz, or the Wizard being defeated, or Elphie/Yero/Glinda getting rid of him and taking over Oz would all be AU. Shiz-era AU is the same thing, but takes place during their time at...Shiz...Um...Oh, sweet mother *bleep*ing Lurline...Poor Mamma...Shiz...Uh...I'd tell you what just happened, but you prob'ly don't wanna know...Um...Wow...Mary mother of Jesus...Uh...You know what, how about I just shut up and let you read?**

**Disclaimer: I don't really think I have time to write one at the moment, so please just see the Ultimate Disclaimer, otherwise I'd give you some sort of funny little quip of a thing or whatever. Sorry.

* * *

**

Chapter 8: SOMEBODY CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! FIRE! RUN FOR YOUR PATHETIC, MEANINGLESS LITTLE LIVES! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE!

*lights go up to reveal the Govenor's Mansion*

Boq: *blinks, then looks at Nessa* HEEEEEY! Your chair got an UPGRADE!

Nessa: Yeah, I know, isn't it exciting?

Boq: It's awesome! Oooh, is that real gold?

Nessa: Yep! And velvet!Boq: Cool, can I touch it?

Nessa: *nods*

Boq: *touches velvet* Oooooooh, sooooooooft...

Nessa: Now go get me some more tea, slave! *shoves empty tea cup at him*

Boq: *takes cup and sulks off*

Nessa: *hums "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" from Moulin Rouge to self*

*wardrobe starts to shake and rattle*

Nessa: *screams and falls out of chair, landing face-first on the floor*

*wardrobe opens and Elphie comes out*

Elphie: *looks at Nessa and half-sighs-half-groans while rolling eyes* Here I come, sis. *puts back in chair*

Nessa: OMIGAWDITSELPHABA!

Elphie: THANK you, Captain OBVIOUS!

Emmett: You called?

Me: Emmett?

Em: Yeah?

Me: *grinning smugly to myself* Box.

Em: *throws a hysterical temper tantrum*

Alice: How did you know-Me: Who do you think drilled that fear into his mind?

Alice: Uh...me, Edward, and Jazz? Since we shove him in that thing repeatedly?

Me: *shakes head* That was me and mah mad authorin' skillz. First time he ever showed even the slightest fear at the mention of that thing was in one of the bazillions of stories that I have saved on my word document progam. Same reason he and Garrett are obsessed with the...*pauses and glances around to make sure Em's not listening, then leans in real close to her ear & whispers* blue moo-moos.

Alice: *nods in understanding, knowing exactly what the "blue moo-moos" are*

Jasper: *smacks Em back to his senses then sends him a wave of relaxation*

Nessa: ELPHABAWHATHEHECKYOUDOINHERE?

Elphie: *smacks upside the head*

Nessa: OUCH! What the heck was THAT for?

Elphie: To make you stop yelling at the top of your lungs and talking so fast that all your words are getting slurred together into one GIANT word.

Nessa: Oh...Thanks, I needed that.

Elphie: *shrugs nonchalantly* No problem.

ROD: THOMEBODY HELP MEH! I NEHD A BAND-AIHD FOH MAH TOMUE! ITH THILL BEHDING!

Me: *looks at Jackson* Translation, please?

Jay: "Somebody help me! I need a Band-Aid© for my tongue! It's still bleeding!" Seriously, this guy is really starting to get on my nerves.

Me: Ditto.

Adam: If he doesn't shut up about his stupid tongue-WHICH, for the record, I really couldn't care less about-I'm gonna put him in a world of hurt.

Fiyero: *pounds fist into palm while making angry face*

Adam: Well put.

Elphie: So, uh, Nessa, where's Dad?

Nessa: Dead.

Elphie: *doesn't hear her* Cuz, I have some important things that I need to-Woah, wait a clock-tick, WHAT?

Nessa: Yep. Commited suicide last month. **(AN: thank you to areyoufeelingwicked for giving me the "frex commited suicide" idea)**

Elphie: Well, that's just great. NOW who'm I s'posed to- *has a sudden lightbulb moment* Nessa?...

Nessa: *is unsure if she likes how Elphie is looking at her* Yeah...?

Elphie: Dad always said that he was gonna make you the new govenor when he died, right, little sis?

Nessa: Why?...

Elphie: You have to help me, Nessarose!

Nessa: I can't!

Elphie: Why not?

Nessa: A few reasons. For starters, I'm an unelected official and housing Public Enemy Numero Uno in my mansion is bad for the rep, and the people hate me enough already as it is.

Elphie: Wait, why do they hate you?

Nessa: *quickly and slightly panicked* No reason. Anyway, for another thing, you're Public Enemy Numero Uno.

Alice: Didn't she already say that?

Me: No, but what she said before was so close to it that she might as well have.

Alice: Thought so.

Nessa: And number three, I REFUSE TO HAVE MY OLDER SISTER BABYSITTING ME 24/7 AND THUS INTERFERING WITH MY LOVE-LIFE! Plus, what have YOU ever done for ME? HUH? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!

Elphie: Then what was I doing all those years if it wasn't taking care of it?

Nessa: Being a pest.

Elphie: -_-

Nessa: *is stubborn*

Elphie: *chants from Grimmerie*

Nessa's shoes: *catch on fire and turn red*

Nessa: *jumps out of chair and dances around putting out flames* OOOOOOOOW, HOTHOTHOTHOT!

Me: It's hooooot in To-PEKA! Pick my toe, it's hot! I'm a hot toe-picker! It's hot in Topeka! PICK MY HOT TOE! **(AN: First person to guess where this is from gets a virtual slice of my virtual birthday cake! (i turn 14 tomorrow))**

Nessa: OMAHGAWD, I CAN WALK!

Boq: *comes in* I smelled smoke, should I call the fire depa-OMAHGAWDITSTEHFRICKINWITCH!

Elphie: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks, Boq. I feel so loved and wanted in my own house.

Boq: *does not hear b/c is too busy gawking at Nessa's new ability to walk* FINALLY! *tries to run away*

Nessa: GET BACK HERE, LOVE-SLAVE! *steals Grimmerie and chants*

Boq: *looks rather dead*

Elphie: *saves him* Sorry, I did the best I could. Your on your own from here. *leaves*

Boq: *wakes up and looks at self* OH MY GOD, DON'T LOOK AT ME, I'M FRICKING HIDEOTEOUS! *is tin*

Nessa: *obeys and looks other way*

Boq: *leaves crying to mommy*

* * *

**AN: All I have to say right now is this: Rosie, take as much time as you need to decide which general plot-line you want your story to follow, and once you figure it out, let me know, and I'll start the publishing process ASAP. Oh, and also, REVIEW, MY PRETTIES, PLEASE!**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie & the Gang  
**


	11. AN: You won't believe this!

**AN: Best. Christmas. EVER! You guys will NEVER believe what I got! Okay, so I woke up on Christmas morning, and guess what was under the tree! *pause for effect* ...Wait for it...Waaaait for it...I said wait for it!...I GOT THE NEW YORK SCRIPT FOR WICKED THAT THEY USED FOR THE BROADWAY PERFORMANCES! ENTIRE SCRIPT START TO FINISH WITH EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE MOMENTS AND QUOTES! And that's not even the best part! The best part is this: IT'S SIGNED BY ALL THE ORIGINAL BROADWAY CAST MEMBERS ON THE TITLE PAGE! Idina Menzel, Kristen Chenoweth, Norbert Leo Butz, William Youman, Carole Shelley, Christopher Fitzgerald, Michelle Federer, Joel Grey, even Joe Mantello and Stephen Shwartz, they are ALL THERE! Name ONE other person besides Santa Claus who has access to that kind of thing! ONE! Yeah, that's right, didn't think so! If this ain't proof he's real, then I don't know what is! I was so freaking amazed that I started crying when I saw the signatures! Oz, I think I'm gonna die, it's so awesome!**


	12. Oe Deja Vu

**AN: Okay, so I know it's been awhile since I updated, and I'm sorry, but I've been busy with Christmas and the aftermath and all, and I posted that AN yesterday because 1: I had to get that out of my system and share the news with all my fellow Wicked fantics on here, and 2: Part of me just wanted to make everybody jealous! lol, jk about the last part! Anyway, Rose has told me that she's not going to say which type of story she chose as her prize until next time I update a story, so I'm doing this right now so she'll just tell me already and also cuz I haven't gotten to write in a few days, and writing (if you read my profile, you know this) is my passion along with reading, Wicked, and the Twilight Saga (if you aren't a Twilight fan, please do not flame me in reviews. I happen to be as obsessed with the Saga as I am with Wicked). SO *claps hands together* without further ado, ladies and...Let's just say we're all a bunch of insane, rabid fans and ignore the gender thing, shall we? Anway, without further ado, fellow insane and rabid Wicked fanatics, I give you..."THE MONKEYS!" (no, srsly, in the script that's what this scene is called! like i in an earlier chapter's AN, i'm skipping "Wonderful")**

**xoxo and happy belated Christmas,**

**Maggie and the Gang**

**Disclaimer: *is too busy oggling script to write one and as a result shoos readers off to the Ultimate Disclamer*

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: O.e Deja vu...

*lights go up to reveal the Wizard's throne room. Elphaba is there and a loud ticking can be heard from an unidentified source*

Elphie: *furrows brow in confusification* Hm...What is that mysterious ticking noise?...(checking a couple different places) Not over here, not over there...Hm. S'kind of...catchy...*props broom up against wall* (singing) Thropp, Thropp, Elphaba Thropp. Thropp, Thropp, Elphaba Thropp.

Alice: Alice! Alice! Alice CUL-len!

Elphie: Thropp,

Alice: Alice!

Elphie: Thropp,

Alice: Alice!

Elphie: Thropp,

Alice: Alice!

Elphie: Elphaba Thropp.

Alice: Alice CUL-len!

Me: Is it just me, or have they suddenly gone all Potter Puppet Pals on us?

Adam: I think so, yea.

Me: Wonderful.

Wizard: (singing) Hey, look who's wonderful, this corn-fed hiiiick!

Me: Yes you are. A BIG one, too. *knocks him unconcious with a conviently placed large wooden baseball bat* Emmett?

Em: On it. *ties him up and gags him then shoves him in closet and locks door*

Elphie: Ok, now let's see...Where's that switch again? Darn it, I KNEW I should've-Oh, wait a second! *reaches into her bag & digs around* Ah-HA! *pulls out a folded piece of parchment and unfolds it* Alright now, let's see...*looks at it for a minute or so* Oh, I see! Okay, so if I'm over near the door that leads to that tower right now, and the switch is over on the other side of the giant head, then that means that...*takes a few steps* ...THIS must be the switch! *pulls switch. cage starts to open* I knew my photographic memory would be helpful someday. I just didn't know that it would be for making a strategic map of a room.

*Wizard comes in*

Wizard: ...O.o

Elphie: ...O.e...Uh...am I in trouble?

Wizard: Depends.

Elphie: On what?

Wizard: Don't move that blanket back there.

Elphie: What blanket?

Wizard: *points to blanket*

Elphie: Oh. That blanket. Why not, what's under it?

Tiny angel on Wizard's shoulder: You should just tell her the truth, Oscar!

Tiny devil on Wizards OTHER shoulder: Don't listen to that little goody-goody! Lie to her! You lie to everybody else, what's one more person?

Wizard: Um...my secret stash of...

Tiny devil: BBQ LAYS, TELL HER IT'S YOUR SECRET STASH OF BBQ LAYS!

Tiny angel: O.o

Devil: WHAT? I like BBQ Lays, is that such a crime?

Wizard: ...BBQ Lays.

Elphie: WHA? YOU MEAN YOU GOTTA WHOLE STASH OF BBQ LAYS AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME! I LOVE THOSE THINGS, I'MMA TAKE THOSE SOME WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! *moves blanket* OMAHGAWD!

Dillamond: Baah.

Elphie: Them's ain't no BBQ Lays! Heck, that doesn't look like BBQ ANYTHING.

Dillamond: Baah?

Elphie: DOCTOR DILLAMOND! NO!

Wizard: I TOLD you not to move the blanket! So now you ARE in trouble! GUARDS! HELP! I'M BEING RAPED AND MOLESTED BY THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!

Elphie: Wow, he really DOES do a lot of lying.

*Guards (and Fiyero) run onstage*

Fiyero: You! Newbie! *points to newbie guard*

Newbie: Yes, sir?

Fiyero: Go get me a soda, I'm thirsty.

Newbie: What kind, sir?

Fiyero: *thinks for a minute* A Dublin D-NO, WAIT!...Rootbeer.

Newbie: Yes, sir. *leaves to go get it*

Fiyero: AND YOU BETTER NOT MESS IT UP AGAIN! (to Elphaba) Hi, Fae!

Elphie: Oh, hi, Fiyero!

Glinda: *runs onstage* ELPHIIIIIE! *tackles her in a hug*

Elphie: Glinda...crushing...lungs...can't...breathe!

Glinda: Oh, sorry! *lets go* Oh, hey, did he tell you?

Elphie: Tell me what?

Glinda: Fiyero and I are going to get MARRIED!

Elphie: ...Woooow, I just had, like, the CRAZIEST sense of deja vu...*tone becomes sarcastic* Gee, I wonder why!

Fiyero: For the record, I was forced into an engagement that I didn't even ask for.

ROsOP (Random Ozians Outside Palace): WOOOOOOOOOW, crazy sense of deja vu...

Fiyero: So, anyway, yeah, I decided like 2 seconds ago to leave with Elphaba.

Elphie: *victory dance*

Glinda: O_O

Fiyero: Yep, so...wanna go do naughty things in the middle of a random forest?

Elphie: Totally, let's go!

*they run off together*

Glinda: O_O

Newbie: (coming back with bottle of rootbeer) Captain, I got your...uh...where is he?

Glinda: O_O

Newbie: Lady Glinda?

Wizard: *quietly sneaks away*

Glinda: *is frozen in a catatonic state of paralyzed shock*

Newbie: Lady Glinda? *waves hand in front of her face* Lady Gli-OOF! *gets crushed on floor as she falls backwards*

* * *

**AN: ...I've been watching too much Potter Puppet Pals...O_e**


	13. As Long as You'reCHILI PEE!

**AN: YAAAAY, ALAYM! And, you know what THAT means! CAT FIGHT SCENE IS NEXT! So, anyway, sorry about the wait, I've been busy with school, updating other stories, etc., etc. With any luck, I might even be able to finish this today since I'm on my third snow day in a row! I swear, we have been TRAPPED in the house the last few days, you should see the roads down here, it is absolutely RIDICULOUS. President Obama has declared Oklahoma as an official "disaster zone" because of the five-foot snow drifts and other nonsense going on up there, and my grandparents live in Norman. They have a Basset Hound named Regal Chevis, who we call Chevy for short, and the poor girl refuses to go potty in the snow. She doesn't like it blowing into her face, so they had to clear a small area for her to do her business. FIVE. FOOT. SNOW. DRIFTS.**

**Love and hugs, and if you're experiencing this crazy weather as well, good luck and I hope you survive.**

**-Maggie & the Gang  
**

* * *

*lights go up to reveal Elphaba and Fiyero. They are in the middle of the forest with a lantern nearby*

Fiyero: Man, that was awesome!

Elphie (in a blissfully happy voice): Yeah...

Fiyero: So awesome...

Elphie: Naughty things...forest...

Fiyero: Yeah...

Adam: When I look back on my memories of being in this play, I sometimes question why exactly I chose to try out for the particular role that I did. I mean, seriously, look at this guy!

*We look. It looks like they are about to begin...doing more...um...naughty things. Particularly on Fiyero's part.*

Me: *sigh* As much as I love the brainless oaf, I do have to agree with you on that, Adam.

Elphie: *le gasp!*

Fiyero: *stops nibbling earlobe and looks at her* What? Did that one hurt?

Elphie: *shakes head* No, it's not that. I just had another vision of the FUT-AAAAH!

Alice Cullen: Hey, having visions of the FUT-AAAAH! is _my _job!

Elphie: Well, not so much a vision of the FUT-AAAAH! as much as it is a minor and quite possibly inaccurate prophecy type thing. Gah, quit distracting me! Anyway, I saw a house!

Fiyero: What kind of house? Was it a mansion? Who lived in it? Was it us? Are we gonna live in a mansion with a bunch of love children someday?

*cricket chirp*

Fiyero: WHAT? A GUY CAN DREAM, CAN'T HE?

*awkward silence*

Emmett Cullen: GAY BABY!

Me: Oh, PLEASE, Emmett, nobody says "gay baby" anymore! That is _SOOOOOO _five years ago!

Em: Oh...Then what DO people say?

Me: Several things.

Em: What's your favorite?

Me: I don't have one.

Em: Then what are they?

Me: Chili pee, uh...chocolate turtle...I can't think of the rest right now, but I'll let you know if I do.

Em: Oh...Well, in that case...CHILI PEE!

Adam: "Chili pee?" Really, Mags, really? Since when do people say "chili pee?"

Me: *sigh* I'm going to explain it in the AN at the end of the chapter, so be paitent.

Joe Mantello (over loudspeaker, as usual): GUYS!

Me & Adam: SORRY!

Adam: You know how easily we get distracted!

Me: And side-tracked!

Adam: Yeah, that too!

Elphie: No, Fiyero, I regret to say that it is not a mansion and we are not living in it with a bunch of love children.

Alice (whispering to me): Did she say she "I _regret?"_

Me: *nods*

*awkward silence...again*

Em: CHILI PEE! AGAIN!

Fiyero: Then what kind of house was it?

Elphie: I know this sounds crazy, but...a _flying_ house.

Fiyero: ...Pardon?

Elphie: Crazy, isn't it? But I swear, this house was _literally __**flying through the sky,**_ Fiyero! I swear to Oz, I'm not making it up!

Me & Adam: 3...2...1...

Fiyero: OMAHOZ! FLYING HOUSES! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE WORLD IS ENDING!

R.E.M (remember 2 chappies ago? Yea, me neither): *singing* It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it! And I feel fiiiiiine!

Me + Joe+ Gregory Maguire + Stephen Shwartz: AGAIN?

Em & Jazz: *hit R.E.M upside the head w/ heavy wooden baseball bat and kick them out*

Me: Seriously, people, if you're gonna let some random band come in here, at LEAST make it somebody whose music I actually LISTEN to! Like Paramore, or...Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, or...Owl City...

Em: Or Band of Skulls!

Me: Yeah, or Band of Skulls!

Elphie: *le gasp again!*

Fiyero: What? Did you find the love children? *is hopeful*

*cricket chirp/awkward silence combo*

Em: CHILI PEE ONCE MORE!

Me: *thinks of joke to go with chili pee* Would you like some chili to go with that pee?

Em: Yes please!

Both of us: *bust a gut laughing*

Elphie: I wish I had, but no. MY SISTER IS GONNA GET SQUASHED!

*pause*

Fiyero: Squashed?

Elphie: Yep.

Fiyero: ...Squashed?

Renesmee Cullen: Like a bug.

Me: *kidnaps*

Nessie: You do know that once my family realizes that I'm missing they're gonna come looking for me, right?

Me: Uh-huh.

Nessie: You do know they're a bunch of indestructable vampires, right? And that they're probably gonna bring most, if not all of, the giant, over-grown pony sized wolves with them, right?

Me: Yeah.

Nessie: ...And you don't care?

Me: Nope.

Nessie: Do you know my grandfather is a police chief and he'll come looking for me and when he finds me, he'll arrest you for kidnapping me and holding me against my will?

Me: Your point?

Nessie: You know, I really don't think that you-

Alice: NESSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

Nessie: AUNTIE ALICE!

*huggles*

Me: *is smug*

Elphie: I gotta go make sure my sister hasn't been bug-squashed yet. Maybe I can get their in time to save her from being bug-squashed.

Fiyero: Can I come?

Elphie: That might not be such a good idea.

Fiyero: ...Meet you at my place afterwards?

Elphie: Deal.

*Kiss, then Elphie leaves*

*Lights go down*

*Silence*

Em: MARCO!

Me: POLO!

Adam: INDIANA JONES!

Alice: MUTT WILLIAMS!

Nessie: SHIA LEBOUF!

Fiyero: TRANSFORMERS!

Jackson Rathbone: ROBOTS!

Jazz: DROIDS!

Me: STAR WARS!

Nancy Drew: PADME AMADALA!

George Fayne: ANAKIN SKYWALKER!

Alice: CLONE WARS!

Me: ASOHKA TANO!

* * *

**AN: I promised Adam that I would explain this, and I'm sure you guys are wondering about it as well, so, here we go. Question: Why did I choose the phrase "chili pee" as a replacement for "gay baby?" Answer: My art teacher and her husband do stuff at community theaters sometimes, and recently, they've been in a play called "Daddy's Dyin', Who's got the Will?" Basically, it's about a bunch of hillbillies that live just outside of Lowake, Texas whose dad, Buford, is dying. They know that his will is in his safe box, but they have no clue where the darn thing is. Once they finally DO find it, they don't have the key, so they have to pick the lock to get it open. Anyway, the character that my teacher's husband plays is a man named Orville, and every time something happens that upsets him-for example, when he found out that Buford cut him out of the will and only left him, and I quote, "one measly buck!"-Orville says, "I dun peed in mah chili!" His younger sister, Evilita-who is my teacher's character-eventually was like, "Orville, you say that one more time, and I swear!" and she was showing him her fist and stuff. Well, ten minutes later..."I dun peed in mah chili!" So, Evilita started chasing him around, threatening to kill him and what-not. Their older sister Sarah Lee finally had to come in and break it up. But, anyway, that's where "chili pee" came from. I'm done rambling. **

**-Maggie & the gang**

**Disclaimer: Me: *dances w/ joy***

**Adam: Uh...what are you doing, Maggie?**

**Me: Dancing.**

**Adam: I see that...And why are you dancing?**

**Me: *holds out paper***

**Adam: *takes paper & reads it* This is a letter from...STEPHEN SHWARTZ AND GREGORY MAGUIRE?**

**Me: *nods***

**Adam: *reads* O_O ...**

**Me: I OWN WICKED!**

**Elphie: Let me see that! *snatches letter & reads* It's not real. **

**Adam: What? How can you tell?**

**Elphie: See how the signatures at the bottom are heavy, as if the people that made them were pressing down hard with the pen, trying to control the way the lines look?**

**Adam: Yeah.**

**Elphie: It means that they're forged signatures. See, one way you can tell if a signature is forged is by looking to see if the lines are dark and heavy. If they're not, it means that it was done naturally. Somebody forged these signatures and faked this letter. And I think I have a pretty good idea who it was...**

***they look suspiciously at me***

**Me: Who, me? **

**Elphie: *nods***

**Me: What? No! Of course not, why would you think that? I'd NEEEEEVER do something like that! *shifty eyes***

**Adam: You still don't own Wicked, do you, Lenore?**

**Me: ...No.  
**


	14. Wait, so is the deal still on?

**AN: Oh, wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it, heh! Forewarning, I watched CATS the other day, so there's gonna be mention of that in here, as well as a special guest appearance by one of my friends! Trust me, you'll know her when she pops up, I talk about her all the time. Kudos to anyone who finds the Pirates of the Carribean 3 reference in here! Ok, so maybe it IS kind of obvious, but for some reason that scene just randomly popped in my head for no reason despite the fact I haven't been watching any Pirates lately and I couldn't resist. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I watched Into the Woods yesterday and it had Bernadette Peters in it and when I saw her on the cover of the DVD, I went, "HOLY SNOT, IT'S HELENA BONHAM CARTER'S IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER!" and when I think of Helena, I think of Tim Burton, and when I think of Tim Burton, I think of Johnny Depp, and when I think of Johnny, I think of several movies, Pirates 3 among them. I'll shut up now.**

**Love & Hugs,**

**Maggie & the Gang  
**

* * *

What is technically chapter 10, but b/c of all my AN chappies, shows up as Chapter 14 instead:

*it's dark because, once again, i'm being lazy and don't wanna turn on the lights*

*There are some sniggers and giggles. Somebody snickers, then farts, or is that Emmett making noise with his armpit? More giggles. Someone else sneezes.*

Alice: Bless you.

Nessie: Thanks.

Bella: Ness, why are you even here, sweetheart?

Nessie: Maggie took me hostage. Weren't you paying attention last chapter, Mom?

Rosalie Hale: They haven't actually been around the last several chapters or so.

Me: Hey, yeah. Where HAVE you guys been lately? We haven't seen you since at least...Gosh, what was it? Same chapter Alice showed up, which was when?

Adam: Uh, I think it was...hang on, lemme think for a sec...*does mental math* Let's see...Chapter eight was the one where those rabid fan girls with rabies tried to kidnap Fiyero when he walked off the stage by accident...that was also the first time R.E.M showed up...um...and Alice showed up in the same chapter where you and me got all excited over the Lion Cub Scene and started grinning like morons...and that was, I think...three...chapters before the fangirls showed up?...Which means that we haven't seen Edward OR Bella since chapter five.

Nancy Drew: Where the heck have you guys BEEN?

Bella & Edward: ...*shifty eyes even though nobody can see them*

Em: Woooooow, and you guys think me and Rosalie are bad.

Me: *kidnaps Nancy*

Joe Mantello: Would somebody PLEASE turn on the freaking lights already?

Bess Marvin: *turns them on*

Me: *kidnaps her* Now I just have to wait for George, Ned, and the Hardys to show up, followed by Esme, Carlisle, and a few of the wolves, including Jacob, and my collection shall be complete. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-Wait, did I just say that out loud?

Several people: *nods, slightly horrified and more than a little creeped out*

*awkward silence*

Jazz: Ready?

Em: Yep. You?

Jazz: Uh-huh.

Jackson Rathbone: Way ahead of ya.

Jazz: One...two...three!

All 3 of them: CHILI PEE!

Bella: ...What?

Em: According to Short Stack over there (me: *looks insulted*), nobody says "gay baby" when there's an awkward silence anymore. They stopped like five years ago.

Jay: And one of the things they DO say these days is "chili pee."

Jazz: Go back to the AN at the end of the last chapter, she explains things there.

Edward & Bella: *read* Oooooh!

Joe: Are we gonna start the scene, or not?

Everybody who has spoken up to this point: SORRY!

*Everybody turns their attention to the stage. At the moment, the only sound is that of my pink ballpoint pen with monkey heads and bananas on it scratching across the notebook paper loaded onto my clipboard as I write things down from my copy of _Romeo and Juliet.*_

Me: *whispers* Oh, Bella, I need to talk to you about the style of the costumes later. I'm especially concerned about getting Juliet's clothes to look right.

Bella: *nods*

Alice: *also whispering* I talked to Jasper about using his old Civil War swords as props, and he said it's fine. I kept my end of the deal, now you guys have to to keep yours.

Me: *still whispering* Okay, all three of us will get together and talk about that later. *keeps writing*

Glinda (onstage): *is waving* That's right, you just take that one road the WHOLE! TIME! Oh, I hope she doesn't get lost. *puts one hand on hip* Oh, I am SO BAD at giving directions! *shakes head then looks wreckage of house that is _not_ a mansion w/ Fiyeraba love children, much to the disappointment of several people present, including myself, and the previously mentioned couple, as well as the entire world's Fiyeraba fans* OH, NESSA! *falls down on knees* WHY? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET BUG-SQUASHED?

Nessie: I came up with that term!

Elphie: No, _I_ did, you just gave me the idea.

Nessie: Oh...Can we share the credit?

Elphie: Sure, why not?

Nessie: *hugs*

Glinda: *cries hysterically*

*You can see the top of the ever-familiar, ever-infamous hat peeking above the tops of the cornstalks.*

Elphie: What a _touching_ display of _**grief.**_

*She walks out of the cornstalks.*

Glinda: *stands up* I have nothin' ta say ta you, sistah! *snaps fingers w/ attitude*

Elphie: Look, I'm not here to fight or argue, I just came to get my sister's shoes, then I'll leave.

Glinda: *freezes momentarily* Uh...shoes?

Elphie: *nods once* Yes.

Glinda: ...What shoes?

Elphie: You know, the ones our father gave to her as a going-away-to-college gift? The silver jeweled ones? Well, actually they're ruby now, I cast a spell on them-Oh, nevermind the story! The point is, I'm here for _those _shoes. If you'll just let me say goodbye to Nessa, I'll take the shoes and go, then I swear, you won't ever have to see my face again. Unless...unless you want to...

Elphie's thoughts: I can't believe I just said that! She's my best friend, we can't just not see each other ever again!

Glinda's thoughts: I can't believe she just said that! She's my best friend, we can't just not see each other ever again!

Elphie's thoughts: Then again, with everything that's happend lately...*sigh* I hate to say it, but maybe it's for the best if we say goodbye.

Glinda's thoughts: Then again, with everything that's happened lately...*sigh* I hate to say it, but maybe it's for the best if we don't see each other for a while.

Edward: *was reading their minds* ...OooooKAY then, that certainly wasn't weird at all.

Glinda: *forces self not to cry or break into hysterics*

Elphie: *ditto*

Edward: Seriously, this is just plain freaky now.

Glinda: Well...I-I'm sorry, Elphie, but...the-the shoes, they...they were gone when I got here. I have no idea where they are. Perhaps somebody took them. Although who would take a dead woman's shoes, I have no clue, I mean, who does that? Who ever it was must've been raised in a barn!

Me: *glances up from writing w/ eyebrow raised incrediously* Wow...foreshadow much, Glin? *shakes head & keeps copying from _R&J*_

Edward: What a freaking liar. She's not even trying that hard, either.

Elphie: Are you sure you don't know where they are?

Glinda: NOOO, of COURSE not! *shifty eyes*

Edward: And I repeat: NOT. TRYING.

Elphie: LIAR! *gets down on knees in front of house* Nessa, this is all my fault! I'm sorry, please forgive me!

Glinda: Oh, Elphie, it's dreadful, it is, to get bug-squashed by a house. But you musn't blame yourself, I mean, accidents will happen!

*A pause.*

Elphie (without turning around): ...What...did you just say?...

Glinda: "Accidents will happen?"

*An even longer pause. Dead silence. Not even my pen is making noise. Somebody (probably Alice) decided to drop a pin just to see if we would hear it. We did. It sounded kinda like this: _Ping.*_

Elphaba: *Stands up* An accident? You call this an _accident?_

Glinda: *hesitates momentarily* Yes?...Well, m-maybe not an accident-

Elphie: *whirling around angrily* Then what?

Glinda: ...Would you believe me if I said it was a bizzarre and unexpected twister of fate?

Bess' thoughts: ...I might...

Edward: Oh, for the love of...

Bess: *starts to raise hand timidly*

Me: *quickly smacks it back down*

Elphie: *forcing self to stay calm* Glinda?

Glinda: *innocently oblivious to Elphie's surpressed rage, but in an endearingly sweet way* Yes, Elphie?

Elphie: CYCLONES DON'T JUST APPEAR OUT OF THE BLUE, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

Glinda: *startled & slightly taken aback* Uh...w-well, I, um...I never really-

Elphie: NO! OF COURSE YOU NEVER! (at this point, I start to mouth everything Elphie says as she says it) YOU'RE too busy telling everybody how WONDERFUL everything is!

Glinda: ELPHIE, SHUT UP! I AM A PUBLIC FIGURE NOW, AND YOU KNOW IT! PEOPLE EXCPECT ME TO-

Elphie (& me mouthing): LIE?

Glinda: _BE ENCOURAGING, DAMMIT!_ *whirls around* AND MAGGIE, DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING BACK THERE! STOP ENCOURAGERIZING HER!

Bremela: HIIIII, MAGGIE!

Me: What the-Bree! How the heck did you get in here? I mean, not that you aren't welcome or anything, but HUZZAWHA?

Brem a.k.a Bremmie a.k.a Bree: I dunno, actually, I was just sort of wandering around and then next thing I know, POOF! There's a puff of rainbow colored smoke, it clears, I see a door, I open the door, and now, here I am! So, what's up?

Me: You just walked into the middle of my parody.

Bree: Insanely Twisted?

Me: That's the one.

Bree: SWEETNESS, WHAT SCENE ARE WE ON?

Me: *points to stage where Elphie and Glinda are getting their (clawsoopsimean) respective "weapons" ready* I'll give you one guess.

Bree: *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!* CATFIGHT! *runs off then comes back w/ jumbo uber-mega sized popcorn & starts eating/watching*

Me & several other people: *clump around her and start eating popcorn*

*Meanwhile, on stage where things still make some small amount sense, however miniscule it may be...*

Elphie & Glinda: MUST MURDER! *claw each other w/ sharpened cat claws...what? it's called a CATfight, isn't it?*

*there is a hissing noise. it came from Alice. don't ask me why she's hissing, i'm sitting with Bree eating popcorn!*

Alice: Speaking of the furry little drama queens...anybody notice how that girl who plays Jemima in CATS looks an awful lot like me in the face? Perhaps even a bit..._eerily _so?...

Me: *raises hand briefly then goes back to eating*

Elphie & Glinda: *try to scratch each others eyes out but both fail...epicly so, i might add*

*they finally realize the whole "fear-me-for-I-will-scratch-your-eyeballs-out" thing isn't really working and pull apart*

Elphie: *huff* Alice, what was that you just said?

Alice: That the girl playing Jemima looks like me in the face?

Elphie: Something specific about cats?

Alice: Oh, no, not cats, CATS. The musical? Why, what about it?

Elphie: *grins wryly* Thanks, Alice.

Alice: Uh...your welcome...I guess...Wait, what'd I do?

Elphie: You've given me an idea. *turns Glinda into a cat*

*oh, hai der stoopid guard peepulz!*

Stoopid Guard Peepulz: Lady Glinda, we-*stop* Where's Lady Glinda?

Rosalie: Are they SERIOUSLY that idiotic?

Me: Wha d'you mean?

Rose: They're saying everything together like they share one brain and they're all one entity or something.

Nessie: Like the Delightful Children from Down the Lane in Kids Next Door, you mean?

Rose: _Exactly!_

Dude who replaced Fiyero as captain: Where IS Lady Glinda?

Rose: Well, I guess that answers that question. *is slightly disappointed...so am i, actually*

Elphie: *points to white cat sitting on stage washing its paws*

Alice: ...Okay, why the frick does she look like Victoria?

Em: She doesn't. Victoria was a vampire, Alice, no duh! You met her! She was the chick with the crazy red hair that was after Bella and then Edward ripped her head off her neck. Or have you forgotten?

Alice: Not THAT Victoria, you lout! In CATS, there's a pure white female named Victoria, I'm talking about HER!

Em: ...Oh.

Elphie: Don't ask me, honey, I don't make the spells, I just cast 'em. Though I s'pose I should change her back, shouldn't I?

Adam: Seeing as how we can't really continue the plotline without her, that would probably be a good idea.

Elphie: *sigh* Curse you, Winnie Holzman. *turns Glinda back to normal*

*Glinda is now sitting on her knees on the stage. Seeing as how her cat-self was washing her paws when she got changed back, Glinda is in the middle of licking-yes, LICKING-one of her hands and freezes mid-lick.*

Me: Would you like some chili to go with that pee?

Jazz: Yes!

*Glinda blushes and stands up*

Glinda: *points to Elphie* Guards, take her away.

**AN: NOT GOING TO PARODY THIS NEXT PART, IT'S TOO FREAKING AWESOME OF A LINE!**

Fiyero: *swings in on vine & aims gun guards* LET THE GREEN GIRL GO!

Elphie: And THAT. Is why I call him "Yero, my Hero," if any of you crazy fangirls (coughMaggieandBreecough) were wondering.

Me & Bree: *look each other* Is she talking to us? *clueless*

Glinda: YAAAAAY, FIFI!

Me & Fiyero: NOOOOOOOO, NOT THE POODLE NAME!

Me: *random spaz attack* *eats more popcorn*

Adam: *shaking head & looking me* I will never understand that girl.

Several others (& some classmates that randomly appeared): AAAAY-MEN!

Guards: *huddle up & start whispering*

Bree: Uh...

Guards: BREAK!

Jay: OK, since when are these numbskulls a football team?

Guard Numero Uno: OK, fine, the avacado's free to go.

Elphie: _Excuse _me? *is offended*

Numero Uno: So now we get to kill him instead. *points to Fiyero*

Elphie: _EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE _ME? *is now also uber pissed*

Fiyero: *considers* ...Done.

Elphie: Undone!

Glinda: Done!

Elphie: *shock* GLINDA!

Glinda: *shrugs sheepishly*

Alice: *cups hands around mouth and yells from the wings of the stage* UNDONE!

Me: Alice, what are you doing, it's part of the plotline, dammit! *cups hands around mouth* DONE!

Bree: Maggie, how could you?

Me: It's in the script! *holds up my autographed copy of the NYC perfomance script & points*

Bree: Don't care, UNDONE!

Adam: Shut up, Bree, we need to keep moving! DONE!

Nessie: UNDONE!

Joe: _DONE!_

Elphie: WOULD YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, MANTELLO? FOR OZ SAKE IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS! UNDONE, THE DEAL'S OFF!

Fiyero: Deal back on.

Elphie: SHUT UP, FIYERO!

Fiyero: Yes dear. *looks feet*

Jay: UNDONE!

Elphie: THANK YOU!

Em: DONE!

Rose: Shut up.

Em: Yes dear. *looks feet*

Jazz: UNDONE!

*Well, I'm sure you get the idea. Anyway, everybody's shouting and yelling back and forth and poor Edward is going insane with so many mental voices screaming all over the fricking place, plus he can't figure out which "voice" goes with what person since everybody's taking sides, nor can he tell who's thinking what. So, the point is that somebody, for some strange reason, decided to turn off the lights, but we were all so busy arguing that we didn't even notice. The debate went on late into the night. Eventually, all the humans (and one half human, half vampire hybrid) either lost their voices from all the yelling, or got sleepy and went night night, and by about 2 a.m the next morning, they were all fast asleep, which left only the vampires. They were the ones to notice the mysterious lack of power. Emmett promptly decided the Blue Cows were responsible. Edward smacked him, Rosalie threw one of her stiletto heels at his head, and Alice went off in search of an anvil to drop on him. Jasper just sat there and watched it all go down. Emmett still held firm in his belief, however, but, wisely, said nothing and blocked his thoughts on the subject from Edward. The end!..._For now...mwahahaha...*

* * *

_

**AN: Originally Bree was gonna walk in right after IchikoWindGriffin's voice came down from above to argue with her visiting OC, Liiku Thriggs, but then I realized, "Oh, snap, I need to shorten this chapter a little," so I had to cut a few things out, but I tried to keep the funnier stuff. Does anybody else think that "Fifi" sounds like the name of a girly little poodle with bows in its hair? Don't get me wrong, I use it sometimes, but only in Shiz era, which I hardly ever write. Poor Fiyero! It just seems flat out wrong, don't you think? It makes HIM sound like a poodle with bows in its hair! That can NOT be good for the poor guy's dignity, let alone his ego and self-esteem. I mean, seriously. Ouch. Just...ouch. And after watching CATS, I couldn't resist doing the claws and everything in this scene! Get it, CATS, CATfight Scene?...*crickets*...Yeah, I know it's a lame pun. And the thing about Alice and the actress who plays Jemima having similar faces is true. I mean, their faces are shaped almost exactly the same. When I was watching it, the first time I got a good view of Jemima, I took one look at her face and went, "HOLY FREAKING SNOT, IS THAT ASHLEY GREENE?" But then in close ups, I noticed differences that were so tiny they were basically minute and miniscule, and I just...*shakes head*...It was kinda creepy to be honest...  
**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

**PS: Don't be surprised if the next chapter has Into the Wood references in it, especially with the bug-squashed thing (you know what i mean if you've seen the play, if not, you'll probably find out). **

**Disclaimer: Me: HEY, GUYS!**

**Wicked Gang: WHAT?**

**Me: *puts on innocence act* Do I own you?**

**Gang: NO!**

**Me: *turns to Twilight Gang* Do I own YOU?**

**TG: No.**

**Me: *turns to everyone else* Do I own YOU?**

**Everyone else: _NO!_  
**


	15. BREE, QUIT POKING FIYERO!

**AN: Oh. My. OZ. I was checking the reviews for all my stories, to see if I had any new ones, and wow, you guys! This story has EXACTLY sixty reviews! That is AMAZING and you all have no IDEA how much it means to me that so many people love my story that much! I LOVE hearing from all of you, and reading all the wonderful things you have to say! After a crappy day at school, coming home and reading your reviews-even from previous chapters-always makes me smile and it becomes the highlight of my day! I just wanted to let you all know that I'm so, SO grateful to have this many people reading my story and leaving all these comments! I've set a goal for this story that can only be achieved with your help: Reach one hundred reviews before the final chapter is posted! Remember, my pretties, you are the ONLY ones capable of making this happen, so help me out here! I promise, I will make it worth your while by coming up with a prize for you! Maybe a post-musical epilogue chapter? How does that sound? Help me reach this goal, my pretties, and keep reviewing!**

**Tons and tons and TONS of love,**

**Maggie**

**PS: Several ideas-okay, MOST of-okay, the MAJORITY of the stuff-in this chapter came from areyoufeelingwicked's parody, so a big shout out to her!**

**

* * *

**Chapter something-or-other (i've lost count): FIYE-Hey, is that a meatball sub sandwich?

*lights go up*

Elphie: *stomps onstage in a huff* DAMMIT! I CAN NOT _BELIEVE_ I JUST LOST MY BOYFRIEND IN AN OZ FREAKING AUCTION! HOW DID IT EVEN REACH THAT POINT, ANYWAY? I MEAN SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE EFFING HELL! AND TO THE GALE FORCE, TOO! WHERE IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DID THOSE _BUTT HEADS _GET SIXTY-FRICKING-KAJILLION EFFING BUCKS?

**Meanwhile, at the First National Bank of Oz...**

Bank Manager: HOLY OZ, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, SOMEBODY, QUICK! THEY STOLE SIXTY KAJILLION BUCKS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

**Back onstage...**

Totally Random Old Fashioned Radio that looks like it's from the 1930's: _...And in other news, sixty kajillion bucks have been stolen from the First National Bank of Oz. Anyone with information is urged to contact the fire department immediate__ly. And, as always, a reward is being offered for the capture of the Wicked Wi-_

Me & my patented industrial strength mallet (remind you of anything? no? go back a few chappies): DIE DIE DIE! *smashes radio into smithereens*

Elphie: MAGGIE, GET THE FRICK OFFA THIS STAGE!

Me: Why?

Elphie: So I can sing a totally epic, yet angst filled solo!

Me: *gets the frick offa that stage*

Fiyero (tied up on his pole in the background): Ok, I think everybody's ready!

Glinda (from up in the fly space, for whatever strange reason): Well, in that case, let's do this already!

Elphie: Alright!

Me: Okay!

Adam: Here we go!

Fiyero: Alright!

Me: *shoves rag in his mouth since he's not supposed to talk* Let's start!

Elphie: Okay!

Fiyero: Mmmph mmmmph!

Glinda: Alri-

Me: ENOUGH ALREADY, JUST SING!

Elphie: *takes deep breath* FIYEEEEROOOOOOO...

**Twenty to thirty minutes later...**

Elphie: OOOOO...! I like the ramen, ramen, biscuts, gravy, I like the ramen! I like the ramen, ramen, pancakes, omelets, I like the rameeeen...

Fiyero: *spits out rag* Wait, WHAT?

Elphie: *ignores him* Let the ham not be torn, let the juice leave no stain! Should I butter this wheat bread, or just eat it plain? The egg just won't break, and however they try to destroy it, this tomato just won't fry! I really hate ryyyye!

Glinda (still in the flyspace): I HEAR YA, SISTAH!

Elphie: *ignores her too* I like the ramen, ramen, doughnuts, cupcakes, I like the ramen! I like the ramen, ramen, cookies, popcorn, I like the-I like the-

Fiyero: Pleeeease stop, Fae, I'm HUNGRY!

Elphie: SHUT UP, I'M SAVING YOUR LIFE!

Fiyero: O_o Yes, dear.

Elphie: What good is this soda? I don't even know what I'm drinking! I don't even know which juice I ought to try! Fiyero-

Fiyero: I AM A GOOD BOY!

Bree (did you REALLY think she just up and left suddenly?): Hey, where's Alice?

*Pause*

**Meanwhile, up in the fly space, which Glinda recently vacated just moments ago...**

Alice: Heh heh heh...This'll show Emmett once and for all!

*Remember where she went off to at the end of the last chapter after the lights mysteriously went out and Emmett thought the blue cows were responsible? No? Don't worry, you'll remember soon enough...*

**Back down below where the rest of us are...**

*We are searching all over the place for Alice, but can't find any trace of her. Suddenly, a giant anvil comes plummeting down from up above and lands right on top of...EMMETT! We stare for a minute, then shrug and get back to what we were doing before*

Elphie: *goes back to her singing* Nessa...Dr. Dillamond...

Fiyero: What about me?

Elphie: You're special, so you get to have your name done in a really long, drawn out note. I just need to get enough breath to do it, so just keep your pants on!...Although, on second thought, I suppose pants aren't REALLY all that necessary...

Fiyero: Come to think of it, dresses aren't that important either...

*they get hypnotized and just stare at each other with drool coming out of their mouths, each of them lost in their own perverted little daydreams*

Me & Bree: SNAP OUT OF IT!

*they blink, then start blushing*

Elphie: *sucks in big breath*FIYEEEEE-*pant pant*-EEEEEEEROOOOOOO!

Fiyero: BREATHE, FAE, BREATHE!

Bree: How IS she breathing, anyway?

Elphie: *pant* M-Magic...*pant* Remember?

Fiyero: I AM STILL ON A FREAKING POLE OVER HERE, NOT TO MENTION HUNGRY!

Elphie: Here, have some BBQ Lays.

Fiyero: *tries to take bag* I can't grab it with my arms tied to this pole.

Elphie: No problem! *starts feeding him BBQ Lays*

Fiyero: Okay, I'm good now! NO, WAIT, NO I'M NOT, I'M A SCARECROW, NOT GOOD! NOW I CAN'T EVEN FEEL ANYTHING!

Elphie: I KNOW WHAT YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FEEL!

Fiyero: REALLY, WHAT?

Elphie: *starts making out with him*

Me & Bree: *SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!* FIYERABA!

Fiyero: *trying to speak through the kiss* Mmph mmphmmphh!

Elphie: *stops and looks at him* Say what now?

Fiyero: I said, this is REALLY hard to do while I'm tied to this pole. It would feel a lot more...normal if I could move my arms.

Adam: Oh, for the love of...!

Fiyero: YES, YES, THAT IS RIGHT!

Adam: What's right?

Fiyero: You said the word 'love.'

Adam: ...So?

Fiyero: "LOOOOVE!"

Adam: *stares at him blankly*

Fiyero: *exasperated, overly dramatic sigh* LOVE, as in I _ LOVE_ Elphaba? THAT WOULD BE CORRECT! FOR THE LOVE OF OZ, MAN, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT PLAY ME?

*Lights mysteriously go out...again. Everybody starts screaming and panicking*

Fiyero: SOMEBODY POKED ME!

Bree: Ah-HA! So you CAN feel stuff!

Me: Huh? What's going on?

Alice (who can see in the dark cuz she's a vampire): Bree is repeatedly poking him in the ribs with a stick.

Bree (still poking Fiyero): WHO TURNED OFF ALL THE FRICKIN' LIGHTS?

Adam: I BLAME JOE! HE'S THE ONE IN THE CONTROL BOOTH!

Pavarotti's ghost: Chirp chirp! **(AN: Pavoratti is the name of Kurt's bird on Glee. He died recently, and Kurt made him a little coffin, then decorated it by hand, and at the end of the episode, he and Blaine had a funeral for him. It was so sweet that he loved that bird so much! He even had a designer cage cover to keep him warm, how cute is that?)**

Me: Awww! Pavarotti!

Fiyero: I'M WITH ADAM, THIS IS ALL MANTELLO'S FAULT, AND MAN, BREE, QUIT POKING ME ALREADY!

*Once again, we go out with a bang of chaos, this time with Pavarotti's little ghost flying around chirping and Emmett is, yes, still trapped under that anvil*

* * *

**AN: I know most of this is almost exactly the same as areyoufeelingwicked's NGD chapter, but when I saw that little "60 reviews" next to the title of the story, I just got all teary-eyed and HAD to update for all you guys, but my mind was, for once, void of ideas, so, areyoufeelingwicked, I'm sorry if I infringed upon your copyright of that chapter, but I needed inspiration to get me going! Please don't sue me! Speaking of those sixty reviews, I need your help, my pretties, to reach that goal of a hundred before the final chapter! Don't forget, if we can reach exactly one hundred reviews before the For Good chapter is posted, you will be rewarded with a post-musical epilogue chapter! **

**How many parodies have you seen with something like THAT? Because, I dunno about you guys, but in all my time on this site-and I've been reading fics on here longer than I've been a member-I have NEVER, not ONCE, seen a SINGLE parody have anything even REMOTELY close to that, in ANY fandom! So come on, my pretties! Help me out here, and I'll help you! An eye for an eye, a mate for a mate, aye? **

**Yeah, I know it's usually "tooth for a tooth," but I don't use that. Since I'm addicted to not only Wicked, but also the Twilight Saga, I say "a mate for a mate," because in New Moon, Laurant tells Bella that Victoria thinks since Edward killed her mate, James, it's only fair that she gets to kill Bella, who is, basically, Edward's mate, even though she's not yet a vampire. He uses that term, "An eye for an eye, a mate for a mate," and being the junkie I am, so do I.**

**Remember, everybody: 100 reviews BEFORE the For Good chapter = post musical epilogue chapter!**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie**

**PS: Who liked Pavarotti's guest appearance? It's my tribute to the little guy-may he rest in peace!  
**


	16. TALK LIKE YODA WE MUST!

**AN: Hello, my pretties! Keep sending in reviews, everyone, we've got sixty eight so far! We're so, SO close to reaching our goal of one hundred, but there are only a few chapters left, so please, please, please review! In case you didn't already know this, I have temporarily put all my stories on hiatus, except for this one and "When Realization Hit," and I am FORCING myself to focus solely on those two. (WRH, also, has a new link posted on my profile, if you're interested. If you're a guy, this one may appeal a bit more to you than the others. It's one of Fiyero's things. Can you say "dagger," boys? |_n (that's supposed to be winking, btw, i know it sucks, sorry)) Alright, I think that's about it! So, without further ado, I am proud to present...MotWH SCENE! (March of the Witch Hunters XP)**

**Love and hugs,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

**Disclaimer: Own Wicked, I do not. Still talk like Yoda, I can though!**

* * *

Chapter whatever (srsly, i've completely lost count): EVERYBODY! TALK LIKE YODA, WE MUST! BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE, IT WILL!

Joe Mantello (yes, he's still over the loudspeaker, just like he has been for the past 14 chapters. it ain't changin'): LIGHTS!

*lights go up*

Me: OMAGAWD, LOOK, IT'S THE REST OF THE PEOPLE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO I CAN KIDNAP THEM!

All those people: *look around confused* Who, us?

Me: *kidnaps them*

Nessie: *latches onto Jacob and starts making out with him as if her life depends on it*

Edward: *is not happy about his baby girl making out with Jacob*

Me: *oggles at cuteness of the Daddy Edward moment*

Sandwich Hunters from areyoufeelingwicked's parody: *come in wearing Sherlock Holmes costumes and holding magnifying glasses*

Everyone else: O_o

Bree: *points at them* Me see weirdos. **(AN: Get it? Instead of "I see dead people," it's "Me see weirdos?" *cricket* ...Yeah, it sucks, I know)**

Adam: Dude, what's with those clowns? Don't they know Halloween isn't until October?

Me: They must still be looking for that sandwich that areyoufeelingwicked sent them after in the most recent chapter of "Just Another Wicked Parody."

Celestial Voice from JAWP: Come on, Sandwich Hunters, don't get distracted, you gotta keep looking!

Joe: HEY, WAIT A SECOND, THIS GUY'S STEALIN' MY MOJO!

Em: *snickers* He said "mojo."

Rosalie: It's a word, Emmett, so quit laughing.

Em: Oh yeah? What's it mean?

Leah Clearwater: *pulls dictionary out of thin air* "Mojo; noun, (slang) 1. Magic: witchcraft or magic. 2. Magnetic quality: a quality that attracts or charms others. 3. Magic charm: an object believed to have magical powers, especially the power to keep away evil spirits." That answer your question?

Em: Oh, yeah? Well...Where'd it come from, huh?

Leah: *checks dictionary* "Early twentieth century, probably of African origin." Anything else?

Em: *slumps in defeat*

Leah: Thought so.

Boq (who is still tin): WHY ARE WE NOT LOOKING FOR THE FREAKING-

Me & Bree: FIIIIIIIIRE! *simultaneously launch catapults with giant flaming dodgeballs*

Boq: *gets crushed by giant flaming dodgeballs* ...Ow.

Me & Bree: SCOOOOOOORE! *high five*

Me: YO, SOMEBODY GO FIND FIYERO, MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY AFTER THAT HORRENDIBLE TORTURE SESSION!

Adam: On it. *leaves room for the first time since the second chapter*

Elphie: ...Wow...I can't believe I'm saying this, but...I miss him already. Things just aren't the same with him around.

Me: Adam has that effect. Even just listening to his CD in the car, when a song ends, in the brief minute or so before the next one starts, when everything is quiet, his voice seems to just...hang there, echoing, haunting you, making you want more...But then the next song starts and once again, all is right in the world.

*cricket*

Me: TIME TO TALK LIKE YODA!

Bree: YAAAAY! THIS'LL BE FUN-Oops...Uh, I mean...FUN, THIS WILL BE!

Me: EVERYBODY, QUICK! TALK LIKE YODA, YOU ALL MUST!

Bree: BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE, IT WILL!

Glinda: Go and kill Fiyero, the Sandwich Hunters must!

Everyone else: O_o *back away slowly*

Glinda: Uh...oopsies. Still mad at him, I am.

Elphie: Away from me, she must be kept!

Jacob Black: Boring, this is!

Seth Clearwater: Just wanna make out with your girlfriend, you do!

Jacob: Got that right! 8D

Alice: Let Edward kill you, try not to!

Jake: Waaaaaaay ahead of ya, I am. *reaches above head and pulls Kate Denali out of thin air by the ankle, then puts her in front of self* If Edward looks like he's about to rip my head off, shield me.

Adam: *comes back* Didn't find him, so-

Me: *tackles him to the ground in a bear hug* ADAM, YOU'RE BACK! Oh, and talk like Yoda, you must. Doing it, are all of us.

Adam (on ground beneath me): Why?

Me: Because bring about world peace, it shall.

Adam: Got it.

Me: *snuggles up against him*

Adam: Uh...Maggie? Let me up now, will you please?

Me: No.

Adam: ...Why?

Me: Good for snuggling, you are.

Glinda: *giggles*

Adam: Do this in our chairs, we can't?

Me: No. More fun it is, to snuggle laying down!

Adam: But...Hard and uncomfortable is this floor.

Me: Have scoliosis, be grateful you do not. Be even worse, it would if you did.

*Fiyero shows up randomly*

Fiyero: Hi, guys. Heard you all talking like Yoda, I did. Sounded like fun, did it, so come to join you, I have.

Elphie: FIYERO, YOU'RE ALIVE! *attacks him and starts kissing him*

Adam: Get up now, can we?

Me: *pretends to think about it* No.

Adam: But-

Me: *starts playing with his bangs*

**(AN: If you've ever seen Adam Lambert on TV, or pictures of him, you know that 9 times out of 10, his bangs are combed diagonally across his forehead in that emo-type fashion. It's how it looked when he played Fiyero, and it's uber-cute on him. If you don't know what I'm talking about, sucks for you, cuz you're really missing out, so before you read any farther, go to Google and search pictures of him.)**

Me: Soft hair, you have. Ever told you that before, has anybody?

Adam: Uh...Think so, I don't.

Celestial Voice (srsly, where'd he come from and why is he still here?): GOOD FORTUNE, SANDWICH HUNTERS!

Me: *has JAWP flasbacks* ...Major deja vu...

Fiyero: Dude, right here I am!

Bree: *le gasp* YOU!

ROD: Me?

Bree: YES, YOU!

YOU: WANT FROM ME, WHAT DO YOU?

Bree: Not YOU, you!

You: Zuzzawha?

Glinda: CONFUSIFICATION!

Me & Adam (still on floor snuggling): CONCUR, WE DO!

Several minutes later...

Me & Bree: *dump a gallon of neon paint onto Carlotta Gudiccelli, who has randomly appeared out of thin air, then high five* O:CC FLASHBACKS, BABY! *fist pump*

*lights randomly got out after Carlotta poofs back to wherever it is she came from*

Everybody except me, Elphie, Adam and Bree: *screams at the top of their lungs like tiny little 2-year-old girls*

Me: *while everybody else keeps screaming without stopping to catch their breath* Okay, seriously, how does this keep happening?

Bree: ...Maybe Peeves the Poltergeist has escaped from Hogwarts and come here?

Elphie: Don't be ridiculous, there's no such thing as ghosts.

Adam: Tell that to him! *points to Nearly Headless Nick*

Me & Bree: *randomly start "la la la"ing the HP theme song just to add emphasis and also cuz...well...we're us*

* * *

**AN: Sorry it's been so long, guys! I had been working on this chapter, but then my theater arts class went to see Beauty and the Beast and so I was on a "Beauty" kick for a while! And now I FINALLY understand why everybody is all, "Oh, Fiyero would make the perfect Lumiere, blah blah blah," because me and my friend Ariana (who has also seen Wicked) were sitting there the entire time, and there would be moments when Lumiere or Gaston would do or say something, and we were all, "Okay, total Fiyero moment there," but Lumiere had so many more than Gaston! And the song "Me" is, I have decided, much more like bookeverse Avaric than Fiyero. I completely fell in love with "Home" and "If I can't Love Her," so now I've got those and Be Our Guest and/or Human Again stuck in my head 24/7, and Lefou? Oh. My. Oz. PLEASE tell me that Ariana and I were not the only ones going, "Okay, THAT boy is Boq's long-lost brother," because I swear to God, he IS. **

**And our teacher is AMAZING! We got to have a Q&A with some of the cast after the show! Oh. My. God. Michael Haller, the guy who played Lumiere? 100% American, BEST French accent EVER, this was the 2nd thing he's ever tried out for, his very first professional gig. Oh, and another thing about him? HE WAS FREAKING ADORABLE! Me and Ariana were sitting there drooling over him, and she told him that he was the BEST (she started bouncing in her seat every time Lumiere came onstage), and he gave her a high five as they were leaving! On our way out, I looked at her and said, "You're never washing that hand again, are you?" And she just shakes her head and goes, "Uh-uh."**

**Another girl, Sarah, said something to the guy who played the Beast, Dane something-or-other, and he was like, "Okay, just for that, you get a hug!" So she went up there and hugged him, and the other cast members who were there started going "Na na na na na," to the tune of the SONG Beauty and the Beast, and we all kind of laughed, and Sarah was bright red going back to her seat!**

**They told us some really funny stories about times when they had to improv on the spur of the moment, but since this is turning into a ramble, just review or send me a PM if you want me to tell you about those. And before anyone asks, the actress who played Belle, sadly, did not show up for the Q&A. It was a volunteer thing, so if they came, great, if not, oh well, and they told us that Emily (that was her name) was backstage going over some things in the script with a guy who was wanting to try out to be one of Dane's (the Beast's) understudies.**

**So, Rose Emeraldfay, if you're reading this, be grateful I went to see that, because it's great news for that "Human Again" dare you sent into Big Fancy Mansion Room awhile back. Why, you ask? 'Cause now I'm finally ready to get my butt in gear on it after seeing the show!**

**Love and hugs,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

**PS: Don't forget our goal, you guys! One hundred reviews by next chapter! Come on, only 22 left, we're so close!  
**


	17. Aftermath

**AN: OH MY FREAKING OZ, I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT, I WOULD HAVE HAD THIS DONE LAST WEEK, BUT THEN MY COMPUTER HAD TO GO AND GET A MOTHER EFFING VIRUS WHEN I WAS LITERALLY ONE OR TWO LINES FROM FINISHING AND MY STUPID FATHER HAD TO GO AND TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT FIXED! *takes deep breath* Anyway...I am skipping For Good because it (along with Defying Gravity) is (one of) my favorite (two) song(s) in the entire musical, and, also like DG, it puts me in tears well into the applause and final bows and as I'm leaving the theatre as well as about the first 15 minutes or so on the ride home. So, even though I did not get my one hundred reviews, I am giving you the post-musical epilogue chapter because I was going to give it to you anyway, I just SAID I wouldn't to give you an incentive to review. Also, there is going to be a HUGE surprise at the end of this chapter! Here's a hint: Adam+Fiyero+David Cook= ?**

**xXoOxxooXXOO,**

**Maggie**

* * *

4-5 years later...

**Somewhere in**** Fliaan...**

Fiyero (telling story to Fiyeraba twins): ...And that, kids, is the story of how I single-handedly saved your mother from certain death at the hands of the brainless baboons known as the Gale Force.

Nydarella (girl twin): Daddy, are you sure that's how it happened?

Fiyero: Of course I'm sure! Nyda, would Daddy ever lie to you?

Liir (okay, do i seriously have to say this one, people?): Momma says you're full of something she calls BS.

Fiyero: *muttering 2 self* She actually said that in front of them?...*major confusification*

Me: *hiding w/ Bree, Rylee, Linda, & Adam outside house whispering* Man, this is so much fun!

Adam: *also whispering* What, making his head explode?

Rylee: *do i srsly have to say it?* No, dimbob, confusifying him to no end!

Linda: *yes, she's doing it too, peeps* Hey, Maggie, lemme see ToD and DiME real quick, I've got an idea!

Me: *hands her ToD & DiME*

Linda: *scribbles furiously then hands them back*

Bree: *yes, she is whispering, get over it* What'd you do?

Linda: Just watch.

Elphie: *coming down the stairs* Fiyero, have you seen my-

Glinda: ELPHIE, YOU'RE ALIVE! *tackles her in bone-crushing hug*

Elphie: O.o

Fiyero: O.o

Twins: ?

Elphie: GLINDA, HOW THE *censoring bleep* DID YOU FIND US?

Glinda: Maggie and her friends, duh!

Twins: Who?

Fiyero & Elphie: -_- Go figure.

Adam: *walks in front door* Dude, I tried to stop 'em.

Bree: *following him* Did not!

Rylee: *also following* Yeah, you just said something about making Fiyero's head explode!

Fiyero: O.e ADAM, HOW COULD YOU, I THOUGHT WE WERE HOMEBOYS!

Twins: YAAAAAAAAY, FREE SHOW!

Fiyero: Great, my own kids think the idea of my brain going kablooie is funny!

Elphie: *puts hands on hips* And whose fault is that?

Fiyero: What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Elphie: _I'm _not the one who passed on the stupid gene, Fiyero!

Me & the girls: YAAAAAAAAY, FREE SHOW!

Edward Cullen: Okay, THAT didn't give me the strongest sense of deja vu ever.

Renesmee: I know, right?

Elphie: WHAT THE HECK, HOW DID ALL OF YOU GET INTO OUR HOU-Maggie, hand it over.

Me: *looks all innocent* Hand what over?

Elphie: The binder.

Me: What binder?

Elphie: Don't you 'what binder' ME, young lady!

Rylee: Why, Miss Elphaba, I'm sure we don't know what you MEAN.

Elphie: Don't encourage her, Rylee! Maggie, give it to me NOW!

Me: I don't know what you're talking about, Faba, honest. I haven't got a binder with me.

Alice Cullen: Binder? You mean like this? *holds up ToD*

Me: *eyes pop out of skull* ALICE, YOU PIXIE WOMAN THING WHATEVER THE HECK YOU ARE!

Linda: WHERE THE FREAKING CHIZ DID YOU GET THAT FROM?

Alice: *shrugs* Found it.

Nessa: Yeah, after I ran over it and almost blew my tire out.

Fiyero & Elphie: *jaws hit floor*

Elphie: NESSAROSE MELENA THROPP, I THOUGHT YOU GOT BUG-SQUASHED BY A HOUSE!

Nessa: I GOT WHAT?

Liir: *slaps Nyda for no reason at all*

Nyda: OW! MOMMA, DADDY, LIIR HIT ME!

Liir: DID NOT!

Rylee: DID TOO, I SAW IT!

Linda: SHUT UP, LEE, STAY OUT OF IT, WE'RE NOT FIVE YEARS OLD!

Me & Bree: *run off then come back with uber super mega giant sized so-buttery-it-ain't-even-funny popcorn & start eating*

Adam: *looks around, shrugs, & joins us, followed by the Jacob & the Quileute wolves plus all the imprintee girls, Nessie, Nancy Drew, Bess, George, Ned, the Hardy boys, & all of the Cullens, but the Cullens aren't eating the popcorn since they're vamps and can't eat human food. Oh, & then David Cook shows up and joins us, too*

Boq: Hey, guys, what's going on?

Fiyero: WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, STOP THE PRESSES! WHO SAID YOU COULD BE HUMAN?

Elphie: Yero, let me handle this, please.

Fiyero: Oh, right, sorry.

Elphie: *clears throat* BOQ WHO THE *censor bleep* TOLD YOU TO STOP BEING TIN? ONLY I CAN DO THAT, IT'S _MY_ SPELL, DAGNABBIT!

Boq (who, btw, is still tin): Uh...Nobody? I'm still tin, you nimrods. What are you, blind?

Matt Murdock: Yes.

Liiku Thriggs: Actually, I'm only HALF blind. There's a very distinct difference, you know.

Niboe (Fiyero's unposted OC little sister): I'm blind.

Fiyero: Niobe, go home, it's not safe for you here. *points in some random direction that may or may not be towards Kiamo Ko*

Niobe: *crosses arms* No! I can take care of myself, melonhead! What the shiz do you think I do with my hypersensitive hearing and aura-sensing abilities?

Linda & Rylee: *temporarily distracted from their argument* COOOOOOL! *go back to arguing*

Fiyero: *facepalm* MAGGIE, YOU GAVE ME THE WORLD'S MOST ANNOYING SISTER EVER, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?

Me: Just be glad she's not all bad girl and crap with the body piercings and jazz like my version of Sarima is.

Fiyero: Okay, I take that previous statement back, SHE is the world's most annoying sister!

Liir: Nyda's annoying-ER!

Nyda: That's not a word, dummy dolt!

Liir: Is now!

Fiyero: THAT'S MAH BOY!

Elphie: FIYERO, DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, THERE ARE ALREADY MORE THAN ENOUGH MADE UP WORDS USED IN THIS HOUSEHOLD AND THE LAST THING WE NEED AROUND HERE IS EVEN MORE!

Fiyero: YEAH, WELL _I'M_ NOT THE ONE WHOSE BEST FRIEND MADE 'EM UP ON A DAILY BASIS!

Glinda: I DO NOT 'MAKE WORDS UP,' I GALINDIFY THEM!

Niboe: *covers ears* EVERYBODY STOP YELLING, I'VE GOT HYPERSENSITIVE HEARING AND YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!

Fiyero: Alright, next person to yell gets duct tape'd, capiche? *holds up roll of duct tape*

**AN: New word, boys and girls! Can you say "overprotective big brother?" But in a sweet way, especially considering Niobe's back story.**

Alice: Hey, duct taping people is MY job, and you stole my roll of duct tape! Give that back, pretty boy! *pounces and pins him to the ground and steals duct tape* NOBODY touches the tape, pal, got it?

*Much like in chapter 14, everybody begins arguing and yelling back and forth (except for Niobe, she went and found a nice rock to hide under until it's all over so the noise won't hurt her uber-sensitive ears) and nobody can tell what anybody is saying, and Edward is, once again, going insane with all the mental voices and being unable to match each "voice" with the person it belongs to. Anyway, the point is that Nessa magically came back from the dead after being bug-squashed by that house, Boq is no longer a homicidal revenge driven bloodthirsty serial axe murderer (though he is still tin), the Trio has been reunited, Elphaba and Fiyero are alive and well and already have 2 kids and they're probably working on #3, and I've got mah FF gal pals to fool around with (even if two of them ARE arguing about something so stupid that I don't even remember what it is), Adam is Fiyero's new BGFE (best guy friend for eternity), and I finally completed my hostage collection!*

**THE END!  
**...Or _is it?  
_*creepy music & lightning flash*

*Everybody (including me, the girls, and all of my hostages) comes onto the stage to an audience that's going so nuts it ain't even funny*

Ozians & Shiz Students: *bow*

Gale Force Knuckleheads: *bow*

Random Ozian Dude, Random Ozian Chick, & Random Ozian Kid: *bow*

RoD: *sticks tongue out* LOOK, IT'S ALL BETTER, I CAN TALK NOW!

Audience: NOBODY CARES!

Frex & Bookverse Frex: *bow*

Book Frex: EVERYBODY MUST WORSHIP THE UNNAMED GO-*gets pulled offstage w/ uber long cane*

**AN: Vaudeville moment, lmao!**

Sandwich Hunters & Celestial Voice: *bow, even though they only visited for like one chapter*

Madame Big Butt & Wizard the Gizard: *bow*

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *throws various food items & household/industrial objects*

Doctor Dillamond: *bow* GUESS WHAT, EVERYBODY, I CAN TALK AGAIN, IT'S A MIRACLE!

Audience: *goes insane with joy*

Lion Cub (running across the stage): FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOM!

**AN: Okay, I think we're gonna have to change this guy's name from Brr to Freedom -_-**

Black Widow Spider: *bows while hanging from strand of web*

Random Ozian Official: *bow* I think I'm renaming that cub.

Every single Animal activist in the room: WHAT DID YOU CALL HIM? *throw daggers*

RoO: *gets hit in forehead by dagger and falls off the front of the stage, but nobody cares*

Joe Mantello, Stephen Schwartz, & Gregory Maguire: *bow*

Audience: *goes insane*_  
_

Nancy Drew & Ned Nickerson: *bow*

Hardy boys: *bow*

Bess Marvin & Georgia "George" Fayne: *bow*

Quileute wolves & imprintee girls: *bow*

Quil & Embry: *bow*

Seth & Leah Clearwater: *bow*

Carlisle & Esme: *bow*

Emmett & Rosalie: *bow*

Emmett: BLUE COWS!

Rosalie: *smacks him* Six months, starting today. *drags him to the side by his ear*

Alice & Jasper: *bow, then step to the sides*

Jackson Rathbone: *bow, then fist bump with Jazz, then them and Alice run to the side of the stage*

Edward & Bella: *bow*

Nessie & Jacob: *bow*

Niobe: *bow*

Liiku Thriggs (who is not my OC, he belongs to IchikoWindGriffin, he's just visiting, but he's amazing and totally kicks butt and I wish that I had thought of him first so I could use him whenever I want *seethes with jealousy*): *bow*

Nydarella & Liir: *bow*

Nessa & Boq: *bow*

Matt Murdock: *bow*

David & Adam: *bow*

Monkeys: *bow*

Chistery: *bow*

Me, Linda, Rylee, & Bree: *bow, then bust out in some totally random dance we're making up on the spur of the moment just to show how random we are*

Glinda, Elphie, & Fiyero (all holding hands w/ Elphie standing in the middle): *bow*

Audience: *loses their heads with excitement*

Everybody: *holds hands and bows ten bazillion more times*

Audience: *goes so insane that we could probably lock them up in a mental asylum by now, but we're not gonna cuz we decided to be nice to them*

Me: *runs to front of stage holding microphone covered in green rhinestones w/ the girls close on my heels & speaks into mic* Okay, first off, the four of us are UBER MEGA HYPER!

Bree, Rylee, & Linda: HYPERHYPERHYPERHYPER!

Linda: *into mic w/ pink rhinstones* WE GOT SUGAH RUSH!

Bree: *into mic w/ blue rhinestones* AND COFFEE HIGH!

Rylee: *into sparkly silver mic* AND WE DRANK WAY TOO MUCH SODA!

All 4 of us: *into mics* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Me: *into my mic* Second, I hope you loved reading this insane crap as much as I loved writing it! And now, before we go, there's just one more thing that I-

Bree: A-_HEM._

Me: Alright, fine. There's just one more thing that WE would like to share. Earlier today, I was listening to all the songs on my iPod Touch and for once in my life, I didn't have them on shuffle, but anyway, while listening to Adam's song "Aftermath," I thought that perhaps I might be able to find a way to incorporate it into a story since Adam DID, after all, play Fiyero once, and since I can see how it might relate to Fiyero and Elphaba starting a new life for themselves outside of Oz while Glinda is left to cope with their "deaths," especially as far as the title of the song goes. After that song ended, one of the singles that David performed while on American Idol, "Always be My Baby," came on and I decided that David needed to be worked in somehow, as well. Then I came up with the idea of Adam, David, and Fiyero all singing "Aftermath" TOGETHER after everybody had taken their bows in this thing, so that is exactly what is going to happen right now, and it is going to be EPIC.

*lights turn off, then spotlight shines on Adam holding a sparkly gold mic, and he apparently changed into one of his epic performance outfits while nobody was paying attention and put on his awesome make-up. Thick flood of fog shows up around his ankles*

Adam (singing): Have you lost your way?  
Livin' in the shadows of the messes that you made.  
And so it goes,  
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow.

Fiyero (singing): Take a step before you leap  
Into the colors that you seek.  
You get back what you give away,  
So don't look back on yesterday!

*cue epic light show*

Adam w/ David & Fiyero (singing): Wanna scream out!  
No more hiding!  
Don't be afraid of what's inside,  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the aftermaaath!  
Anytime anybody pulls you down,  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed,  
Just remember you are not alo-one  
In the aftermaaaaaath!

David: You feeeel the weight  
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day.  
It's nooot too late.  
Think of what could be if you rewrite the role you pla-ay.

Fiyero: Take a step before you leap  
Into the colors that you seek.  
You get back what you give away,  
So don't look back on yesterday!

All 3: Wanna scream out!  
No more hiding!  
Don't be afraid of what's inside,  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the aftermaaath!  
Anytime anybody pulls you down,  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed,  
Just remember you are not alo-one  
In the aftermaaaaath!

Adam: Wanna scream out!

David: No more hiding!

Fiyero: Don't be afraid of what's inside,  
Gonna tell ya you'll be a-aalright

All 3: In the aftermaaath!

David: Anytime anybody pulls you down,  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed,  
Just remember you are not alo-oone

All 3: In the aftermaaaath!  
In the aftermaaaaaath!

Fiyero: Before you break you have to shake your armor,  
Take a trip and fall into the glitter,  
Tell a stranger that they're beautiful,  
So all you feel is..lo-ove, lo-ove. *is looking Elphie while singing this last part*

Adam: So all you feel is...lo-ove, lo-ove.

David: Wanna scream out!  
No more hiding!  
Don't be afraid of what's inside,  
Gonna tell ya you'll be a-aalrii-iight  
In the aftermaaaaath!

Adam: Wanna scream out!  
No more hiding!  
Don't be afraid of what's inside,  
Wanna tell ya you'll be a-aalrii-iight  
In the aftermaaaaaath!

David: Anytime anybody pulls you down,  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed,  
Just remember you are not alo-one  
In the aftermaaaaaath!

Adam (doing echo-y effect): In the aftermath!

Fiyero: Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the aftermaaaaaath!

Adam (echo-y effect): In the aftermath!

All 3: Just remember you are not alo-one  
In the aftermaaaaath!

Audience: *goes so insane it ain't even funny*

Me & the girls: *attack Adam & David and smother them with kisses and start worshipping their epicness*

Elphaba: *makes out w/ Fiyero*

*fade to black for the last time ever...oh, god...*

* * *

**AN: Oh my god... This is really it...This is the end...My very first story ever posted on Fan Fiction dot net is actually over...*tears up* I literally do feel like I am about to cry, you guys, I'm not just typing that for effect. I'm so happy that I did this and proud of myself for finally finishing it, but at the same time I'm so sad to see it come to a close. God, this is just such a bittersweet moment for me! Thank you, thank you, _thank_ you, everybody, for reading this and for leaving such amazing reviews and giving me a reason to keep going and...for everything. All your support and just...Thank you. I honestly cannot tell you how grateful I am to all of you for helping the _RMS_ _Mad Majesty of Muchness _(me) get through her maiden voyage here on this amazing site! **

**Oh, great, now I've gone and made myself cry, and I'm not just saying that, either! Don't worry, though, they're bittersweet/happy tears, so it's okay! Jeezum, I just...I'm sorry, I...*sobs* I can't believe I actually finished my first story on here! **

***wipes eyes* Anyway, while my computer w-was down, I, um...*sniffle* Sorry...I, uh, I finally got the dip pen I've been wanting since I got DiME the Fountain Pen. I also got 3 different ink colors; black, blue, and green (if they had pink, i'da gotten it) so, to distract myself from the fact that I was being deprived of my computer, I used my new favorite toy to work on writing the final two chapters of WRH by hand in ToD Jr., so I'm about to go and put those in type so they can be posted. **

**Oh, my pretties, I'm so happy, yet so sad at the same time and...It's been, to quote Taylor Swift's _Invisible, _"a beautiful, wonderful miracle" and an honor to have done this and to have met all of you through your reviews and things, and...wow. Just...wow. *laughs as tears start going down face***

**I love you all so, _so_ much, my pretties, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with all of you, and I, um...I think that there's really only one thing left to say, everybody, and that is...**

**LONG, LONG LIVE ALL THE MOUNTAINS WE MOVED AND ALL THE MAGIC WE MADE!**


End file.
